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Archives for March 2002

March 21, 2002 by krisis

It’s the same old house to me, really, no matter what. I’ve only been here for a little over half a year, but even the slopey ceilings and bare brick walls started losing their effect on me a while ago, and now nothing about it is thrilling. I suppose it’s hard for thrill and comfort to cohabitate in one place for too long, and now it’s just become ‘home’ rather than anything else. It’s a place for me to be weary, and to watch teevee, and to cook dinner. But, this morning we were all in the kitchen having waffles, ice cream, or both, and Elise looked to her left and said “it’s colorful.”


Following her gaze my first thought was that she was just looking out the window at the siding of the house next to us, which is just about anything but colorful — no matter how sunny it might be on the outside. But, it wasn’t the window she was staring at, but its sill. Our kitchen windowsill has become our makeshift house wetbar, and even at its current low tide it’s a cross-sectioned rainbow of apple green Pucker, the deep blue bottles of Skyy and irish cream, and the too clear Smirnoff letting the sun fall right through it.

“Colorful?” I pondered it more than i asked it. I suppose even the most routine of comfortable things are still thrilling in the right light.


A half hour later Kat was framing up a picture of the shadows that our blinds cast against the curtains, with Elise coaching on what to leave out of the edge, and inside it felt like we had rewound back past spring to last summer, and the wonder i had in my eyes at this place when it was empty and unfinished.


I am enjoying all of the seasons i have collected, as much as i am enjoying the spring that has now officially arrived.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75028150/

Filed Under: college, elise, photo, thoughts

March 20, 2002 by krisis

I just picked up my old guitar, intending to idly strum something while waiting for my laundry to get clean, only to find that both my fretting and picking fingers are completely worn and i can’t seem to … well … do anything that sounds like music.


This is so cool. It’s been four years since my fingers were too pink and bruised to play a song. And, honestly, my voice doesn’t mind it so much either.

I rock. A little. I rock a little!

Rock.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75025114/

Filed Under: guitar, my music, weblinks

March 20, 2002 by krisis

There is a mutiny building in my fingers; a resistance is gathering between my knuckles and around my wrists. They are not used to this sort of treatment… five hours of playing songs that i don’t have the option to fudge … songs that sound only how they sound. Towards the end my fingers were on automatic, picking out strings without my even having to think of it, but in the middle they were clumsy and tired as the muscles in my arms sighed with exertion.


There was a power to it — to making other people’s songs sound how they were meant, and to making my own songs sound out like i hear them in my own head. Kat sat on the bed mostly non-plussed, pecking away at her laptop, but Laurel seemed to be in a mild form of shock. And i… i wasn’t even in the room. The songs had filled it beyond its capacity to hold me.

Fingers aside, my voice amazed me. After having barely mustered up enough of it to power through my jury last week, imagine my surprise as it rose to the top of the staff and i was still hitting clean notes, open throated and howling. Sometimes a song finds one spectacular note inside of itself that my voice is attracted to like a moth to flame, willing to burn itself around the edges just to hit that one note and hold hold hold hold it over the four chords in the progression.

There is definitely a Trio brewing around here, somewhere.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75024430/

Filed Under: guitar, performance, singing Tagged With: Ani DiFranco, beatles

March 18, 2002 by krisis

There are currently five people who live in this house in one capacity or another, even though i’m currently the only one here. Three of those people have logged into blogger or sitemeter from this computer in the last 24 hours. The two other than me who are (becoming) (rapidly) addicted to blogging (and, of course, their site statistics) also happen to bake me yummy things whenever i fall asleep or leave the house, so i think the use of my computer is a fair trade.


Welcome to the circus that is my life. In other news, this why i read everything JillMatrix links to as daily as i possibly can:

“I suppose,” she said. “There should be a law about these people with web diaries or they should all wear identifying clothing or something, so that innocent bystanders who don’t need some perverse kind of public fame can know to steer clear.”

I thought that’s what my Blogger T-shirt was for…

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75021707/

Filed Under: bloggish, weblinks

March 18, 2002 by krisis

Spring brings a certain weariness with it these days. There is a pressure, a pressure behind my eyelids, that is trying to masquerade as tears. I know that it’s really just the rain, and the trees, and nature interfering with the artificial things i am expecting from my body. Nevertheless, i have almost been convinced to break down and weep, and within that inclination there is the tired forward motion of time.

The office is quiet; it feels like a Monday should feel. I don’t think anyone will notice me sniffling and wiping my cheek on my sleeve if i just do it here where i’m sitting. I’m going to miss this office… against my better judgment i’m trying to stay on here even though i’m moving on to my new job. It’s just something about these people, and how they read my face, and how they know exactly what my smiles mean. There’s something about them caring that i really don’t want to leave behind.

It’s funny how spring doesn’t always manage to play the part, even after i get so exciting about its approach. It’s a good thing that i feel like spring, anyhow…

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75020663/

Filed Under: admissions

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