Here’s a clue – the Minor League games are hardly ever televised. Now which choice do you think i’m gonna make?
You know what’s funny? I always bitch about how no one likes me, but it’s a lie. Enough girls have come on to me in the last year that i could have strung together some semblance of a romantic life. But, it’s all the wrong ones. The lab-partner of the girl i’m interested in, the innocent girl i find naive rather than the innocent girl i find intriguing… in fact, it even seems that one person i did fancy came on to me after the fact. What it’s starting to come down to is rather than no one being interested in me, i’m batting out of my league. Which means i’ve either got to improve my average or get settled into the minor leagues.
Gee, i’m a happy fucking camper, huh. Well, you just got the update of my main concerns in life. Notice how i left out classes and girls and songwriting? That’s because they aren’t even in consideration right now. Well… they are, but left to my own devices they are more symptoms of the problems i just mentioned then problems on their own. And, god knows they’re problems.
And i hate this feeling. It won’t be excruciating; I’ll have fun doing it. It’s just the commitment to it that is excruciating. I feel like i’m agreeing to go see a movie i don’t really want to see just because i know it’ll make me laugh. Like Austin Powers. Sure, i might have gained something from watching it, but it’s not something i even wanted to begin with.
Me and theatre is ugly. I found out today while at the seasonal choir and band concerts that i don’t like watching large ensembles of performers… i like situations where i can focus on a single person. I’m like that at rock concerts too – i pick one member of the band at a time and zero in on them to the point of excluding everything else that’s happening. What it comes down to is that theatre was the only way for me to be on stage in high school, but now it’s not. When i started doing theatre, my only skills were my loudness and my huge memorization ability, so theatre was the only thing for me. But, i developed other skills like public speaking and guitar playing and emceeing events while i never developed (or cared to develop) those essential skills of getting into character and moving comfortably on stage. And here we are. I jumped at the chance to do theatre when i got to Drexel, and i had fun doing it because of the people i met, but by the end of last year i realized that the only character i was interested in playing was myself (evidenced in how pissed off i was initially when i didn’t get into hair, a show about long-haired singing teenagers). I tried out for the fall show, but as you can see in the archives, i hardly cared when i didn’t get in. And now auditions are on tuesday, and getting a part partially or totally precludes me from guitar ensemble, active participation in the newspaper, and running Battle of the Bands effectively. And i’m expected to be there.