I can’t remember the last time i had an entire week off. I cannot even fathom the last time it happened… before i started doing internships, and before i started working at the coffee shop, but sometime after high school ended. There is a three or four week window in there somewhere, and that is the last time i truly had a week off..
Last week my obligations, as if in cahoots with each other, all cancelled each other out. Between last Tuesday and this Monday i had a single class and worked for three hours, but for all intents and purposes i was off — with no responsibilities other than to myself. I hardly knew what to do with myself at the time, but i fell into a sort of rhythm: waking up a little late, doing something i had been meaning to do for months, playing guitar, running an errand, et cetera. Nothing of substance, just the things i would find the time to fit in if time were more hours in a day.
I know people who have worked every week of their adult life in order to support themselves. They impress me; even if i wanted to be i am not quite that independent. I also know a lot of people who have somehow managed to shirk all responsibilities altogether, and spend a lot of time achieving nothing. I’m not sure if they impress me, but i am amazed by them, because i do not know how not to achieve anything. Even with my dead week i still recorded three new songs, and read six books. Numbers. Events. Achievements.
Now that i am back to a normal week, i am suddenly unsure of how a “day” works, or what i am supposed to achieve within its restraints. My responsibilities are back, but i am unsure of what to do with them. Today i have actual classes and responsibilities looming, and i can’t even seem to set foot out of my room. And, if i were to escape it, i’m not sure what i’d even do afterwards.
Do i have a volunteer to go to Ethics for me while i work this all out?