• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

  • DC Guides
    • DC Events
    • DC New 52
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
    • The Sandman Universe
  • Marvel Guides
    • Marvel Events
    • Captain America Guide
    • Iron Man Guide
    • Spider-Man Guide (1963-2018)
    • Spider-Man Guide (2018-Present)
    • Thor Guide
    • X-Men Reading Order
  • Indie & Licensed Comics
    • Spawn
    • Star Wars Guide
      • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
      • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
    • Valiant Guides
  • Drag
    • Canada’s Drag Race
    • Drag Race Belgique
    • Drag Race Down Under
    • Drag Race Sverige (Sweden)
    • Drag Race France
    • Drag Race Philippines
    • Dragula
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
  • Contact!
You are here: Home / Personal / off-topics / gblt / Steer Clear

Steer Clear

August 14, 2008 by krisis

Last Saturday we awoke to some vicious knocks on our door, and declined to answer.

It was another block party on our street – another one of dubious legality where we were given less than ten hours of notice before its start – one situated plumb in the middle of our first long weekend together this year. We keep to ourselves, and no one thinks to ask us to sign their petition, or remind us there is a party upcoming, or ask us we have anything to contribute (such as, I don’t know, my mixing equipment? But, I digress).

So, we declined to answer. The first time. But a few minutes later the knocks came again, insistent and vicious.

We had hoped to sleep in – at the back of the house, away from the noise.

No such luck.

I dressed quickly, pieces patched together, and flung open the door to be greeted by an unfamiliar face. White, stubbly, firepluggish but not so intimidating, a tattoo or scar on his cheek next to his eye.

“Izzat your car?” Gesturing broadly at a boxy sedan parked a few spots to the right of our door. Already a tent had been struck on our sidewalk, nearly obstructing our front steps.

I replied sharply. “Look, we don’t own a car, and even if we did we wouldn’t have to move it for the block party. That’s not how the permit works.”

I closed (not slammed) the door to an echo of protest (“Hey, I’ll break your door down and kick your ass”), but that was a wolf not big or bad enough to warrant my concern on a summer Saturday morning. I’ve lived in South Philly long enough to know an idle threat.

Nothing else happened, and several hours of booming, inescapable music later we left. We were dressed as sharp as my earlier words for Erika’s engagement party, and everyone on the block saw us depart just as the daylight was ripening into a pretty golden evening.

.

The party, which is a topic for another time, was wonderful. The two parts that are germane to this story are that I drank quite a bit of Bombay Sapphire and we that took a cab home shortly after 3 a.m.

I stepped (stumbled) out of the cab, intent on a trip to the bathroom and the chance to get into some more comfortable clothes (having entrusted Elise with my wallet and the ability to do arbitrary math).

At the steps I fetched (fumbled for?) my keys, and when I looked up I was greeted with black magic marker scrawl across our door:

Steer Clear of Queer

.

Was it the message or the gin that sent me into hysterical sobs, pounding on the door with my fists until it was feeling unsure on its hinges?

Does it matter? What was I supposed to feel, or do, the first time a message of discrimination I’ve heard off and on for years at parties and bars and from passing cars found itself tangible and branded on my home?

The next part is a blur: Elise getting to the door, our exchange, my dash into the house only to collapse on the floor, crying, screaming:

“This is our house; I just want to live here.”

Elise, rational and sober, called 911, and discovered as she shut the door that our newfound aphorism had been accompanied by an even more tangible reminder – used cat litter fed painstakingly through our mail slot so that it would be swept across our threshold when the door was opened.

I’ll spare you the visit of the police, protective and sympathetic, or my repeated calls to Lindsay, my voice splintering and breaking as I screamed to her that I didn’t understand, upset as much about myself as with my demographic-sharing double, the straight white male who thought this sort of thing was okay to go writing on someone’s door because he didn’t have enough muscles or force when he opened it or because he left the house in a wrong-colored shirt, and also how I would be happy for people to write on my door and shove crap through my mail slot for the rest of my life as long as they left Lindsay and Kate and our gay neighbors (yes, the irony) alone and in peace.

.

I would never compare this experience to the discrimination that other people endure every day. It was passive – intimidation from a coward. It’s not even really about me. It’s not even really offensive, as a statement.

Yet while I would never compare, it remains that those words were written on our home, and that the crime of petty vandalism was undoubtedly about hate. I articulated as much to the lieutenant in my living room, feeling strangely sober and my stare fixed on the floor.

“Do you feel that this was a hate crime?

“Yes, officer. All that matters is what he thought of me when he opened the door, and the intended effect of his message.”

“I’m so sorry this happened to you and your roommate.”

“Fiancee,” I whispered, more to myself than to him. “We’re getting married.”

.

With Sunday came concern; we had no way of knowing if the vandalism was an arbitrary one-time event or the first step of continuing harassment; we didn’t know if it was the work of a single actor or a faceless group of disgruntled neighbors. But we discovered that – after the initial shock – we were not concerned about the words on our door.

To scurry out that morning to clean it off would mean we didn’t want the neighbors to see. To cover it up surreptitiously by cover of darkness would mean we didn’t want to be seen responding to it.

Both would show that the message met its mark – that it had intimidated us. We may be a lot of things – maybe even a little queer – but one of them certainly isn’t easily intimidated.

I’ve been avoiding this box all this week because I’ve been uncomfortable with my own voice – the voice that got me into this mess – just as I haven’t felt comfortable in my own living room. Now that our door is finally back to its single solid color (plus a peephole) I also feel okay to return here, my virtual home, to begin to describe how I feel … how I’ve felt the graffiti on my own skin all week, how our house feels different now, and how every time I approach our door I am ever-so-nauseous in anticipation.

As to why we ultimately decided to leave the words on display until our landlord could have them painted over in broad daylight for the entire block to witness, Elise blogged it better than I ever could, so I’ll let her speak for me:

[I]t doesn’t reflect on us, it reflects on the people who did this and on the people who allowed it to happen. It’s a reminder to us of what emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually small people are capable of (though we would still see it there whether we painted it over or not), and it’s a reminder to everyone else that while this time we were the target, it could just as easily be them, next time.

They probably have not realized this, yet.

Filed Under: gblt, memories, Philly, stories, Year 08

Previous Post: « Bad Teenage Poetry Blogging Day
Next Post: Happy Birthday To This »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jen says

    August 15, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Wow, that totally blows. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that crap (no pun intended). I can imagine how upsetting this has been, and how unsafe it feels, but you’re right — whoever did this is a coward. Which means they’re also too feeble to pose any serious threat to you.

    Take care, be gentle with yourselves, and give yourself time to let things heal.

  2. Mark says

    August 15, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    I’m so sorry to read this. Just crazy.

  3. Lindsay says

    August 27, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    I still have so much to say about this, yet remain (amazingly) unable to find the vocabulary to articulate my feelings.

    Mostly, I’m just very sad about it all.

    And, I love you.

Trackbacks

  1. Crushing Krisis › Happy Birthday To This says:
    August 26, 2008 at 10:27 am

    […] And, still fresh in my mind, I was the victim of a crime of hate. […]

  2. Crushing Krisis › Sarah Palin doesn’t care about you or me. says:
    September 2, 2008 at 10:29 am

    […] that in Sarah Palin’s opinion the message written on my door last month – the cat shit shoved into my home – was motivated by normal hate. And so was the deaths of Matthew […]

  3. Crushing Krisis › fear and loathing in the back yard says:
    November 23, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    […] that Peter doesn’t live here anymore. Not since this summer, when a slight mouthiness resulted in our home being vandalized in a hate […]

  4. Crushing Krisis › living in stockholm says:
    May 16, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    […] not so much. Ever since the hate crime we walk briskly, park out of sight, and regard everyone with cool […]

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on BlueSky Follow me on Twitter Contact me Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics

Marvel Events Guide

Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics

  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Avengers Omnibus MappingTIME TO VOTE – 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    It's time to vote in the 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll! […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvels Anthology Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Anthology Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Magazine & Anthology omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 My Love Silver Age Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Non-Superhero Silver Age Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Non-Superhero Silver Age omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Alf Marvel License Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel License Omnibus (+ Indiana Jones), Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel's License Omnibus mapping for non-Marvel IP books that don't exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 X-Files FOX Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel 20th Century FOX Omnibus (+ Indiana Jones), Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    20th Century FOX omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Darth Vader Star Wars Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Star Wars Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Star Wars omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Image Comics April 30 2025 New ReleasesNew Comics & Collected Editions Releases: Image Comics – April 30 2025
    This week in Image Comics: Copra dies, Wes Craig draws a silent Duke, DWJ's Transformers gets deluxed, Feral wraps its first year, a new fantasy from Curt Pires, conflict finds the Rocketfellers, life after a death in We're Taking Everyone Down with Us, and more! […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvel Imprints Alternate Realities Demon Days Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Imprint & Alternate Reality Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Imprint & Alternate Reality omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvel UK Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel UK Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel UK omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Ultimate Marvel Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Ultimate Marvel Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Ultimate Marvel omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist from its debut to the present day - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Fear Itself Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Event Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Event omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • DC Comics April 30 2025 New ReleasesNew Comics & Collected Editions Releases: DC Comics – April 30 2025
    This week in DC Comics: Ewing does Detective, Grodd's reign continues in Waid's League, All-In Special hits paperback, Power Company recharges, a Silver Lantern omnibus, and more! […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Namor Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Solo Hero Omnibus from N to Z, Mapped – Namor, Scarlet Witch, Thanos & more! | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Solo Heroes omnibus mapping from N to Z for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Hawkeye Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Solo Hero Omnibus from H to M, Mapped – Hawkeye, Hercules, Ms. Marvel, & more! | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Solo Heroes omnibus mapping from H to M for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]

Content Copyright ©2000-2023 Krisis Productions

Crushing Krisis participates in affiliate programs including (but not limited to): Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program. If you make a qualifying purchase through an affiliate link I may receive a commission.