• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

  • DC Guides
    • DC Events
    • DC New 52
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
    • The Sandman Universe
  • Marvel Guides
    • Marvel Events
    • Spider-Man Guide (1963-2018)
    • X-Men Reading Order
  • Indie & Licensed Comics
    • Spawn
    • Star Wars Guide
      • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
      • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
    • Valiant Guides
  • Drag
    • Canada’s Drag Race
    • Drag Race Down Under
    • Drag Race France
    • Drag Race Philippines
    • Dragula
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
  • Archive
  • Contact!
You are here: Home / Personal / topics / stories / always crashing in the same car

always crashing in the same car

June 21, 2012 by krisis

I don’t know how else to start this story, so I’ll just say it.

I crashed our car.

Into our house.

Yes, you read that correctly. Don’t worry – there were no casualties. I’m here. The house is no worse for the wear. And the car… well, the car lived to tell the tale.

It was not quite this bad.

Before you start to make a number of assumption about me and my driving, allow me to point out that I have not so much as nudged another vehicle in my first year behind the wheel. On the road I am a cautious, defensive driver.

It’s off the road where I’m a danger. Particularly, in my driveway. I just don’t have the spacial relations skills to navigate the tiny space. Our car earned its first, tiny, quarter-sized ding in a tango with our garage doorframe last year. It’s just scant inches wider than our car.

This time I made it past the garage, but realized far too late I was still angled towards our house. In my defense, the house actually starts being houselike within the bounds of the frame of the garage door. You have to cut hard right to avoid backing straight into the house.

(If getting out of our driveway is starting to sound like a difficult geometry problem or a question on a Mensa test, you are starting to catch on.)

Angled towards the house does not equal crashing into the house. You see, I actually had not yet crashed. I stopped the car and got our to investigate my predicament. I had barely kissed the side of the house with the back fender of the car. I could reverse course and drive back into the garage and pull out again.

I returned to the car. I put it in drive and gingerly nudged it forward only to hear a terrifying metallic shrieking noise. Creeeeawwww-oy-eeeeeeeeee. I threw the car into park and leapt out to discover that the tiny, tangential kiss I had delivered to the house resulted in our stucco gripping the edge of my fender, and now it refused to let go – to the tune of pulling half of the fender off the car!

I’ll admit it: I panicked. How the hell was I going to get out of this? My crisis logic said, back up a little bit so there is less tension on the fender, and then pry it loose from the wall. And, well, since that was the smartest message running through my brain, I did it.

The problem was that I did it with a little too much verve. I put the car in reverse and tapped the gas slightly too hard, resulting in me colliding with the house at full ramming speed. In addition to my crumpled fender, I now had a shattered taillight, and had bent the spigot on the side of our house in half.

I meekly pulled the car forward a hair and got out to investigate the damage. The spigot was twisted back on itself like a pretzel. I applied slight pressure to try to return it to its former shape and it snapped off in my hands, spraying me with a blast of water.

Suffice to say, this was not one of the finer days in my personal history. To my credit, I had the spigot replaced and a taillight ordered by the time E returned home, which left only the bruises to the rear of the car and my pride as evidence of the mishap.

I don’t understand why the beginning of summer has officially became car calamity season, but I’m happy that last year’s exploits taught me to budget for the worst possible levy of my own personal stupidity tax against my bank account.

No related posts.

Filed Under: stories, thoughts

Previous Post: « What I Tweeted, 2012-06-17 Edition
Next Post: What I Tweeted, 2012-06-24 Edition »

Reader Interactions

Trackbacks

  1. Crushing Krisis › Happy Birthday To This says:
    August 27, 2012 at 1:07 am

    […] crashed our car into the house. I ran my first 5k. We recorded the rhythm tracks for our first Arcati Crisis studio album. I was […]

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on Twitter Contact me Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics

Marvel Events Guide

Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics

  • Guide to Emma Frost, The White QueenPatron’s Choice: Guide to Emma Frost, White Frost
    It's my brand new Guide to Emma Frost - The White Queen. Learn how Emma is defined by tragedy and her vow that it's all "For The Children." […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse World War Hulk Expansion BoxMarvel United: Multiverse wages World War Hulk as their final expansion! (Plus: a BIG all-in pledge reward)
    Marvel United Multiverse World War Hulk is the final expansion box in the Marvel United: Multiverse Kickstarter, and it's packed with muscle - plus, an ever BIGGER surprise for the All-In pledge. […]
  • Drag Race Belgique Season 1 Episode 00 - Promo SquareDrag Race Belgique Season 1 – Pre-Season “Meet The Queens” Power Ranking
    It's time to meet the queens of a whole new Drag Race franchise - Drag Race Belgique, hosted by alien actress Rita Baga! […]
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15, Episode 6 – “Old Friends Gold” Girl Groups Challenge, Review & Power Ranking
    The drag queens of RuPauls' Drag Race Season 15 take on a golden oldies Girl Group challenge with unlikely musical genres in Old Friends Gold. […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Kickstarter - Maximum Carnage Expansion BoxMarvel United: Multiverse adds Maximum Carnage to the campaign! (Plus, the High Evolutionary!)
    Marvel United Multiverse Maximum Carnage unleashed an unexpected group of villains onto the campaign in the from of a (very) New Sinister Six! Plus, High Evolutionary, and my predictions for the final expansion box(es). […]
  • New Mutants (2019) #7Updated: Guide to New Mutants, Generation X, Academy X, & other Young X-Men
    My Guide to New Mutants now covers every new class of X-Men, from the "3rd Class" of New Mutants through Generation X, Academy X, Generation Hope, & The Age of Krakoa - plus the return of the 1st Class of All-New X-Men! […]
  • Cable Math & Maps: Collected Issue Counting and Future Omnibus Mapping
    it's time for mathing and mapping Cable! How much of Cable has been collected from his 1990 debut onward, including his pre-history? And, how could it all fit into Omnibus? […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Kickstarter - Annihilation BoxMarvel United: Multiverse adds Annihilation (plus, 20 potential Marvel Event expansions and their predicted contents)
    I perfectly predicted this new Marvel United Multiverse expansion box and all its contents, so what do my psychic powers say about the remainder of the campaign? […]
  • Guide to Spider-Man comics from 2018 to present day – now available to the public!
    Peter Parker has had a massive 5 years in comics, from Nick Spencer's Amazing Spider-Man run to Zeb Wells spinning Dark Web and the Summer of Symbiotes. Find every issue from 2018 to present day in this new guide! […]
  • X-Men Vote 2023 - Polls Are Open NowElect your favorite mutant with Marvel’s annual X-Men Vote! #xmenvote
    It's time for the third annual X-Men Vote to determine one new permanent member of the flagship X-Men team. Let's meet the six candidates and discuss the pros and cons of each one. […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Secret Invasion Box KickstarterMarvel United: Multiverse adds a Secret Invasion expansion (plus, 20 events that could be expansion boxes!)
    CMON announced a surprising Marvel United Multiverse Secret Invasion expansion, which raises a question: What other events are still to come? I've got 20 suggestions for them. […]
  • New for Patrons: Guide to Wasp, Janet van Dyne
    This Guide to Wasp follows Janet van Dyne through her 60-year Marvel Comics history, from founding Avenger to finally getting own own series! […]
  • my weighted blanket is hungry
    Me getting 8hrs of fitful sleep doesn't seem to be enough to satiate the hunger of my new 10kg beast of a weighted blanket. […]
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15, Episode 5 – House of Fashion, Review & Power Ranking
    It's Drag Race Fashion Week in this unconventional materials design challenge with a twist: the queens are split into three groups and have to present cohesive runway collections. […]

Layout copyright © 2017 · Foodie Pro Theme by Shay Bocks · Built on the Genesis Framework · Powered by WordPress

Links from Crushing Krisis to retailer websites may be in the form of affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link I will receive a minor credit as your referrer. My credit does not affect your purchase price. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to: Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program.