• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

  • Archive
  • DC Guides
    • DC New 52
    • DC Events
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
  • Marvel Guides
    • Omnibus & Oversize Hardcover DB
    • Marvel Events
  • Star Wars Guide
    • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
    • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
  • Valiant Guides
  • Contact!
You are here: Home / Personal / off-topics / people / elise / Definitely Probably Pregnant

Definitely Probably Pregnant

November 19, 2012 by krisis

As I fall asleep, I think about cells rapidly dividing.

Nothing is ever a sure thing, but I am pretty sure we are pregnant.

ZygoteWe have been trying for a few months now, where “trying” means (close your eyes, future offspring) having sex with a little more consternation and chart-making than usual. I mean, depending on your usual sex, I guess.

This time around I don’t think it would be projection to say we both felt a little different as the week wore on. When we woke up yesterday, after much devil’s advocacy from both sides we wanted to take the test. I inquired if I needed to hold any sort of papers while E peed on them and was rapidly dismissed.

“Wait,” I said. “What should I do?”

“Not follow me into the bathroom?”

“No, I mean, what should I be doing in case you come downstairs and tell me we’re pregnant? I don’t want to be surfing the internet. This is a big moment.”

“It is,” she acceded, maybe fidgeting impatiently.

“How long does it take?”

“Five minutes.”

“I’m going to play a song. Something I wrote. A song about you.”

“Okay,” she said. And, maybe, “Can I go take the test now?”

“Yes. Okay.”

I played a song called “What Do You Want From Me?” which in retrospect was a peculiar choice. It’s a song about being an imperfect partner and lover, and being afraid you aren’t enough how you are. I don’t think I chose it with any intent, but it was a decent enough selection for five minutes of being Schrodinger’s Expectant Father.

She returned during the last verse and proffered me a tiny strip of paper full of arcane writing and a series of red lines.

“I think it’s positive.”

“What am I reading here?” I said, squinting down at the paper.

“Two red lines.”

two-red-lines“I see them. The one’s a little faint.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she replied. “I’m pregnant.”

Of course, this is me we’re talking about. E is growing a baby while I harbor an OCD Godzilla. She would need to test again. I would watch. Luckily, this was not the pee right on it sort of test. There was a sort of shot glass full of urine for testing purposes. Is that too much information? I’m just trying to be transparent about the utter ridiculousness of the situation. This is how new life is discovered.

We tested and I watched. Like a hawk. From two or three inches away from our second little urine-soaked paper strip while E kept time on a digital watch.

“I definitely see a second line.”

We were pregnant. Definitely. Probably.

“Can we just dip a fistful of the strips into the pee to be sure?”

She sighed, exasperated, maybe realizing she was in for nine months of me being the crazy one … and, that even if her hormones allowed her to briefly surpass my crazy, Godzilla and I would spring back into the lead and maintain it for the majority of our offspring’s 18 years of childhood.

“Imagine,” I encouraged E later in the day, “if we had a way to make just one or two of those cells the best possible cell right now. We’d wind up with a 12.5% better baby!”

That was most of the baby chat for the day. We’re not too precious. But, as I turned over in bed to face E all that was on my mind was cells that were once one and are now many, more even since we discovered them in the morning.

That was our baby.

Note: This post was embargoed until we reached 20 weeks; it was made public on 3/20/2013.

Related posts:

  1. Excitement Is Ruining My Grammar
  2. spilling
  3. 35-for-35: 2012 – “Madness” by Muse
  4. about that name
  5. Oh, Baby
  6. Does that baby come with a side of time?

Filed Under: elise, family, stories, thoughts, Year 13 Tagged With: OCD Godzilla, parenting

Previous Post: « not what i meant to say
Next Post: Don’t Lean On Me, Man »

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on Twitter Contact me Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics

Marvel Events Guide

Marvel Omnibus Guide

Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics

  • What makes a good Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition official release or 5e-Compatible supplement?
    There's an ever-increasing amount of D&D 5e-compatible material in the world, but how exactly do you choose what's right for your table? […]
  • Music Monday: “We’re Good” – Dua Lipa
    Dua Lipa's"We're Good" makes a major impact without a tricky song structure or vocal fireworks. It just needed a few contradictions. […]
  • extra sleep sunday
    Parenting programs your brain to believe that sleeping extra means danger. No one explained this to me before I became a parent. […]
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Season 7, Episode 6 – Total Ru-quest Live: recap, songwriting analysis, & power ranking!
    When it comes to Total Ru-quest Live Girl Groups and Night of 1000 Dolly Partons drag, it's a risk to take things too literally. […]
  • Harbingers of Failure
    I thought I liked odd stuff because of my unique brain wiring. I'm sure that's true, but it might also be because I'm a harbinger of failure. […]
  • New for Patrons: Jane Foster Guide – The Mighty Thor & Valkyrie
    A Jane Foster Guide to her time as a nurse, doctor, Thor, and Valkyrie is about to be incredibly relevant with the release of Thor: Love & Thunder! […]
  • the spider in the mirror
    I didn't think too much about the spider in the mirror until it was gone. […]
  • The Infinitely Expanding World of Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition
    What does it mean to be 5e Compatible, and how does it tie in with my torturing a Dungeons & Dragons email list back in the 90s? […]
  • Slow Song - The Knocks with Dragonette featuring AquariaMusic Monday: “Slow Song” – The Knocks with Dragonette
    When I listen to "Slow Song" by The Knocks with Dragonette I feel instant nostalgia for the dingy, neon-lit adult world I remember from my youth, long since lost to the passage of time. […]
  • Updated: Ms. Marvel Guide – a Kamala Khan Reading Order!
    My Ms. Marvel Guide includes all of Kamala Khan's series, collections, and appearances, with links to read digitally on Marvel Unlimited! […]

Layout copyright © 2017 · Foodie Pro Theme by Shay Bocks · Built on the Genesis Framework · Powered by WordPress

Links from Crushing Krisis to retailer websites may be in the form of affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link I will receive a minor credit as your referrer. My credit does not affect your purchase price. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to: Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program.