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SGapt

January 2, 2002 by krisis

The trend in weblogs for ringing in the New Year seems to be a dead split between resolutions that might not be upheld and a litany of excellent things about 2001 that never came to light through the actual process of blogging. So, in the spirit of my general disagreeance and spitefulness this past weekend, here are the reasons why my year sucked (in roughly chronological order):

  • My grandmother dies; i proceed to get so sick that i miss the funeral (never to be forgiven by family). (!)

  • I have to drop a class for the first time. (!)

  • The weekend of my dress rehearsals for Good Woman of Setzuan i am diagnosed with Pneumonia and Bronchitis. I have to argue not to be admitted to the hospital so i can start going to rehearsals again. Upon my return I forget an entire verse of my big song on opening night (at this point being generally attributed to my medication, which i will neither confirm nor deny). (!)

  • My first girlfriend wound up being somewhat of a psycho/bitch; horrible breakup ensues. (!)

  • I managed not to fail anything despite all of the above circumstances, but garner my first C (in Recording Class) (!)

  • I have no spring vacation; i immediately started work at Admissions after classes ended. (!)

  • I am totally miserable in my apartment; i don’t speak much to my roommate. (!)

  • I miserably quit blogging for an entire week when my archives disappear. (!)

  • I do not leave the city once during the entire summer. (!)

  • I spend the majority of the summer wondering where i’ll be living in September. (!)

  • I sign up to attend the Philadelphia Folk Fest and then have to back out because of work and moving into my new apartment. (!)

  • I step in to give the counselor-of-the-day presentation one Tuesday in September, because the counselor in question was to horror-stricken to speak. (!)

  • I enter a rather depressive haze and let details about it slip to my mother, who becomes physically ill at the thought of my mental instability. (!)

  • I am admitted to the hospital for four days only to be told absolutely nothing is wrong with me. (!)

  • I endlessly deliberate over a first date with someone who lives across the country from me and who i like very much — only to be romantically rebuffed. (!)

  • I spend the entire last weekend of the year in the most dire of blah moods. (!)

  • So, that’s my year. At a glance, 2001 looks as though it might have been my worst year ever pound for pound. However, lest we all despair for my miserable year, click the end of each phrase for the happy ending that i might not have hinted at while blogging. And, in case i haven’t mentioned it, Happy New Year.

    https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/01/8335446/

    Filed Under: 9/11, admissions, Blogger, bloggish, college, family, memories, relief, theatre, Year 02 Tagged With: erika, lindsay, mom, q.o.d., SGapt

    December 14, 2001 by krisis

    I have become totally domesticated in my living with the gals. It’s not as though it bothers me, but i just feel like they’re intruding upon my messy bachelor years, or something. For example, yesterday i actually called home from work to see what they would prefer my nighttime culinary endeavor to be. So, not only did i premeditate my potential meal (based upon leftover supplies from the dinner i made on Tuesday!), but i decided that i needed to clear it with the roomies before i made the decision on my own. Sadly, I didn’t catch either of them, and seeing as i had the sneaking suspicion that one of them was highly alarmed by eggplant i refrained from shopping for the supplies i had in mind until i got a verbal “okay” from them. After a few hours of lounging on the couch when i should’ve really been doing the Business final i’m taking a break from now i was greeted by Erika, who came bearing groceries of her own! I started helping her with dinner until we realized that we were out of eggs, and so off i went (in my pajamas) to the grocery store — without a second thought.

    It seems likes common courtesy or just being thoughtful roommates, but i really feel as though i’ve gone from being one of those cats that the neighbors leave food out on their porch for to being a house cat that occasionally struts around the lawn just to affirm his outdoorsyness. It’s not that it bothers me or anything, i just think it’s incredible what a difference a year makes; this time last year i was spending $60 a week on takeout food and eating a box or two of granola bars every weekend. Now i’m spending $60 a week on making dinner for the three of us, and eating leftovers all weekend.

    https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/12/7924253/

    Filed Under: college, identity Tagged With: 44th St, erika, lindsay, SGapt

    December 11, 2001 by krisis

    My one and only final begins in three and a half hours; it is for my Philosophy class — a subject i have a rocky history with. I don’t seem to be especially concerned about it, as i have already secured my required B and would need to get a perfect score to wind up with my beloved 4.0.

    There’s two points that i want to make here, two forking paths from that simple introduction that very well might lead to the same place.

    The first is that classes are grinding to a halt and i am left with a wide expanse of life in front of me. It feels Strange. I know that this break from worries and scholastic commitments only lasts three weeks, and that i have umpteen personal commitments already set to eat up my time. Still, i love the idea of living without pressure… it’s been literally an entire year since i’ve had even an entire week where i could forget about things like work and studying. Suddenly i am finding time for friends that i didn’t even realize i had shut out, and i’m happy to have them back. As if that wasn’t good enough, opening up on the other side of it is a quarter that is nearly exclusively populated by Communication classes that i am sure to love. It seems like a downhill glide from here back to co-op.

    The other side is that One Year has gone by since i walked into this same situation. A year since that tiny apartment with its inescapable mess and my first flight in years looming on the horizon. I’m not so much concerned with all the things that happened in the time that intervened so much as i am concerned with the length of time. A year only represents one twentieth of my life now… a number that’s not nearly as significant as a tenth or a fifteenth. Lengths of time contract rather than expand, and the nearly two years it’s been since i first kissed someone doesn’t seem materially much longer than the over a year it’s been since i first played “Relief.”


    I don’t know what i’m saying. Something to the effect of life keeps going on no matter what i tend to be doing with it. I should go study; somewhere in the pit of my stomach i really do want that A.

    https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/12/7834517/

    Filed Under: college, thoughts Tagged With: SGapt

    September 14, 2001 by krisis

    Everything i write nowadays is toolong and verywordy. I can’t seem to help myself; i’m just not as omnipresently connected as i used to be and the things i have been wanting to say just build and build until they are no longer simple phrases or paragraphs. Do you remember when this used to be snap reactions to hardwood floors, or fuzzy butterflies swirling in my stomach and the awkwardness that always ensues as a result? Hardwood floors have turned into brick walls and sloped ceilings, but that special breed of butterfly does emerge from a cocoon every so often to do a loop-to-loop just beneath my esophagus. I’m just left wondering if it’s my intent, my writing, or my editing that changed along the way. Obviously it would have to be a little bit of all three… but, what don’t i talk about now that you used to expect to hear from me? I’d really like to know.

    https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/09/5693168/

    Filed Under: thoughts Tagged With: 44th St, SGapt

    September 1, 2001 by krisis

    This morning i woke up before nine and just laid flat cradled between my bed and the slope of the ceiling, watching sunlight and shadows do ballet on my brick wall. My thoughts were racing but my body was in no mood at all. The last two days were long and my body is sortof protesting every move and bend, and no amount of food seems like enough after just eating a piece of pizza and a pretzel and two handfuls of motrin since thursday. Collecting the last remnants of my stuff from the Matt apartment was not a joy, but afterwards i brought my mattress here so i got one of my first comfortable night’s sleep at home in a long time.

    My life is at once cluttered and spacious, and so is the fourth floor of this house… a study in controlled clutter starting at the foot of my bed and spread across the entirety of the converted attic. This morning Linsday and I went with Jack to watch his sister play soccer against Drexel, and we were only really a mile up the street from where they used to live but it felt totally different. I feel like i’ve stepped outside of my life and the neighborhood has changed.

    Plus, i have my own bedroom and bathroom now :)

    This is sortof cheating my no-net weekend, because the old phone line is still up and everyone needed to check their email. So, i’m leaving you a cam picture, and then back off into obscurity i go.

    https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/09/5427546/

    Filed Under: memories Tagged With: 44th St, lindsay, SGapt

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