Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

spring

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So, hi, it’s fucking spring outside with a vengeance. I just thought it’d share.

This has just been… whacky, lately. I mean, not to meta-blog more than i typically do, but the whole point of this is what i’m crushing on. It’s about those awkward moments, tremendous failures, and tiny victories. But, what happens when this is my awkward moment? What happens if my life is sailing smoothly elsewhere and this is the moment of doubt and trepidation, where i don’t know what to do or what to say?

Last year i kept Selina a virtual secret from my blog the entire time we dated … i’m not entirely sure why. I know it was because i didn’t like that my friends were coming here for news about my life rather than asking me about it personally. And, i know it was because i wanted to have something all for myself, separate from this. And, i was boring as hell. Now i don’t want to be boring, though, because this isn’t boring. There are things i want to say about it.

So…

::deep breath::

So, today we were walking down the street — me on my way to work and she on her way to an entirely late breakfast — and we were laughing and holding hands and i caught myself thinking dear god, we’re every annoying couple at every party and on every walk down the street that i’ve ever encountered. Somehow, though, from the inside it doesn’t seem so offensive … and it’s something i used to be entirely opposed to; i don’t think it’s the public’s business who i’m kissing at any given point in time — which has a lot to do with not talking about it on here too often, i guess. But, there comes a point when the kiss is more important than who is going to see it.

We usually kiss goodbye on the corner of 33rd and Chestnut, but today she had to walk further down the street and i was still on my way to the Main Building. Kissing her halfway down the block was odd … like i had missed hitting my mark on stage, but that the scene still worked. Worked out perfectly.

It might as well be the first day of spring It definitely feels like it. Do you think so?

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75014938/

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I cried twice in a single twelve hour period, and in retrospect i’m not really too bothered by either. People are meant to cry; it releases the pressure that builds behind your eyelids — builds from sideways glances and offhand comments. And sometimes it is like a broken dam, and sometimes it is the trickle of a leaking faucet.


It is practically spring, and i will definitely ride with the windows down if she lets me.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75002372/

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Even though i’m in decent shape and i eat well, i don’t excersise very often at all. For years i’d get winded easily just playing games of soccer or jogging to a class. Recently though my body seems to be pulling together and functioning like one cohesive human unit, which is a nice change. For once i don’t just feel like a self conscious lump of flesh sitting out on the sidelines too afraid to get in on a game; today i was on the skins team in ultimate frisbee and actually made a few points on the deal. Spring is nice, (good) friends are good, and i feel like i spent quality time with myself as well as everyone else, which is a nice change.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/05/3605900/

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The weather seems to have given up its bipolar behaviour and settled on a lovely middle ground, if only for a day or two. I happen to like spring, so i’m happy. Spring is strange for me, because i’m not especially a native to the season. I’m in my glory in the cool days of autumn and the chill of winter, but spring is just the yellow light before the green and heat of summer and it always makes me a little uneasy. It’s a season that moves… wind, rain, growth, warmth. Fall is so different, the way it settles down and leaves you with a polite dusting of snow and a christmas tree.


It’s hard to get a good read on spring (or any other season) while you’re in high school because it’s all skipping school to sit in your bedroom with the windows wide open or idly walking home even though you have much too much homework to do. School adds purpose to spring, because you’re trapped inside and you want to get out. Momentum. Somehow (i know how: through whining and bitching and using all of my connections to my best advantage) i wound up in class fall/winter and working in the spring/summer. So, i’ve got a building for me to escape, but it’s not really the same as school because i like it here and they pay me to do things i really don’t mind doing at all. So, i’ve lost all of my momentum; i am not out the door like a shot at 5pm to jump into a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt and do whatever people do in spring. I wouldn’t even know what they do anyhow.


So, yeah, spring finally feels like it’s here. Maybe i’ll go take a walk…

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3379431/

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It’s interesting how weather (and it’s colour) can affect people. All of today was grey and damp, and even my cheeriest friends were slightly subdued from their normal states. Normally frenetic people got downgraded to frantic, and the cheery and smiley became the sarcastic and bleak. In fact, most of the coolest people i know reported the same sort of emotionally violent mood i was experiencing last night. Is the weather sucking our lives away? Are we all too empathetic and responding to each other? Or is the gray in the sky just an excuse to match ourselves to it? When the ground was covered with vivid white snow we were all brisk and crisp and light. No wonder love is always in the air in the Spring…

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2040887/