Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

Archives for March 2003

by

Well, i’m sure to go to hell now.

In case you don’t take statements regarding someone’s immortal fate for granted, allow me to elaborate.

I hate cell phones. Despise them. Though they have a lot of very important potential uses, not a single one of them is arming every Dick, Jane, and Moron with one so that they can chat it up while in a movie-theatre, driving a large motor-vehicle, or just walking down the street. Let’s be honest here… of the seemingly 90% of people who are chatting on cellulars as you pass them on the street, how many of them are important enough to even merit one? Or, hell, forget important, what about popular?

Of course, at college everybody has a cell phone. In some cases they are warranted — people are from far away and want to call home. Or, they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in a different state and are trying to save on long distance charges. However, warranted or not, everyone i know seems to have one. And, since they have them, they expect me to have one. Why not have one? Shouldn’t i be able to talk to anyone at any time no matter where i am or how annoying it is to the people around me? Shouldn’t my friends and family feel have the right to keep me on a electronic leash that that can tug at a moment’s notice via speed-dial?

I am going to hell because i now have one of these devices, these tiny electronic harbingers of societies impending doom. Not because i really wanted one, because i definitely do no, and not because i need one for any actual reason. No. I have one because literally every last friend i have (with the two rare exceptions of Gina and SL) have cell phones, and of those people over a third of the ones i ever need to call have their own cell-phones from different area codes that would cost an arm and a leg to call all the time via a landline. Elise has a Northern Jersey, Kat one that i assume is from California, and Laura from TrebleMakers is from upstate New York!


Now i am one of them. Not only one of them, but a special one: by an apparent grace of god my cell-phone got connected to a local 215 phone number, which immediately makes me eminently hipper than my friends in 610 and 267. Which, in my estimation, has the potential to launch me at least two circles deeper into the bowels of hell.

I just wanted to make you aware that i am one step closer to becoming everything that i hate and detest. Maybe tomorrow i’ll go and change my voter registration over to Republican and lease an SUV.


Oops, did i offend you? I’m sorry. Have a nice day.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2003/03/200063130/

by

Lindsay, who just read the entirety of my archives and so is in the position to know these things, has informed me that i just have to write more often. If i write more often, she reasons, i will enjoy it more, and enjoying it will make it better.

This, historically, has meant that you (the reader) has to suffer through all kinds of crapola in the meantime. But, you didn’t have anything else to do, right?


“You’re on hiatus, huh?” It seemed like a funny question to ask me — of course i’m not on hiatus. When am i ever? I’ve only ever took one that i recall. One look at the date on my last post told me why i was being asked, though. Apparently just thinking about witty stuff doesn’t count for much in the blogging game .

As if it’s a consolation for missing out on daily updates from my decidedly droll life, i have somehow managed to notch my fourth consecutive quarter on the Dean’s List. To put that in more tangible terms for all of you literal thinkers out there, i am currently less than .03 away from graduating with honors. Not the dopey kind of honors you get from being in the “honors college.” Noooo. The kind of honors you get for being smart and doing well.

In an intriguing turn of events, i don’t remember a lot of being smart or doing well that happened over the course of this past quarter. Thinking about it is like trying to remember if i’ve blogged lately — i know that i got straight A’s, but i’m a little foggy on the when and the how of it. There was, of course, last week’s two days of hell as i built a Senior thesis paper from the relative nothingness of one interesting Scientific American article into a hulking five thousand word treatise on Globalization and Technology. I got an A in that class… despite not being a Senior and, oh, not even being enrolled in the major that i wrote a thesis for. Ha. And, people in the class talked about how the professor was the second coming of Vlad the Impaler, a veritable vampire of academia, sucking up lots and lots of work and leaving behind only the dried up dead husks of things he once regarded as students.


He seemed to like me, actually.

I could go on. Somehow i’ve gotten to this place, this place where i am successful and smart and yet i feel like some small part of me is living outside of it, wondering how someone could be so successful. And smart. And so goddamn charming.

Okay, so, maybe i made that part up….

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2003/03/200052935/

by

I’m having trouble deciding what i feel about anything except for sitting holed up in my room protected by womb of thick walls and loud music. Yesterday on my way home from class i walked a block out my way – out of boredom, i guess. I had never been on it on foot before, just in a car passing by. The feeling was indescribable, as if i had stepped off of my front porch and onto the set of a television show (because i had never seen that block before except for through the glass of a window/screen).

I think that sometimes Elise feels bad that i don’t write so many songs anymore, as if it’s her fault. It guess it is a little bit, because i am happy and not creating stupid scenarios in my head to connect me to every person that i pass by on the street out of utter desperation to be a part of someone else’s day. It’s confusing to look at the entries in my little grey book from a year ago, while Elise was still new and confusing enough to evoke my typical lyrical ramblings. At a point not too far after that there is a disconnect, and suddenly i am not writing out of my gut anymore, from where my songs used to spring covered in bile and blood. Every time Elise gets used to me not having anything new to sing at all i surprise her, the other night with four new songs that she had never even heard a hint of before. They make me uneasy — i have trouble feeling them and so they are hard to sing.

I have thirty four weeks of college left after i complete my last co-operative learning experience this summer. I said a funny thing last night to Erika about that. I said that i wasn’t returning my mother’s phone calls because she would have to get used to not hearing from me and being worried once i left Philadelphia. I talk a lot about what i may or may not do after i graduate, everything from going abroad to going to grad school, and usually it has an air of fantasy and speculation about it. Last night, though, i said it without thinking. It felt like singing one of my old songs, half diaphragmatic support and half a punch in the gut. I don’t know where i’m going to go, or what i’m going to do, but apparently it’s not going to be here.


Or so i say. But, for as many streets there are in this city that can make me feel alien there are other cities on this planet that i’ll never see. I really ought to start working on that.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2003/03/90595788/