• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

  • DC Guides
    • DC Events
    • DC New 52
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
    • The Sandman Universe
  • Marvel Guides
    • Marvel Events
    • Captain America Guide
    • Iron Man Guide
    • Spider-Man Guide (1963-2018)
    • Spider-Man Guide (2018-Present)
    • Thor Guide
    • X-Men Reading Order
  • Indie & Licensed Comics
    • Spawn
    • Star Wars Guide
      • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
      • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
    • Valiant Guides
  • Drag
    • Canada’s Drag Race
    • Drag Race Belgique
    • Drag Race Down Under
    • Drag Race Sverige (Sweden)
    • Drag Race France
    • Drag Race Philippines
    • Dragula
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
  • Contact!
You are here: Home / Personal / off-topics / people / elise / Engagement / A Personal Wedding (Or: The only feminist in the party is the one without breasts.)

A Personal Wedding (Or: The only feminist in the party is the one without breasts.)

June 10, 2008 by krisis

Last week I spent my sole lunch break shopping for dresses.

This is one of the many peculiarities of our impending ulta-modern, decidedly-feminist nuptials.

For those keeping score: Elise is the modern one; I’m the feminist.

.

At our engagement party I found myself standing in our kitchen next to my father’s wife, chatting about our (then vague) plans about the wedding. She asked me who my best man would be, and I snagged Gina out of the roiling crowd.

I mean, hello, who else would be my best man but Gina? I’ve known her for half of my life. I’m in a band with her. We’ve only been in one fight, ever, which was neither of our faults. We are adept at psychic communication.

These are all traits one seeks in a best man. She really is the best man for the job.

(In this next bit I am maybe engaging in a slight blog-reality edit, but this is how I remember it. Or at least it’s how the story is best told.)

Dad’s wife laughed. Yes, yes, Gina is my best friend. But, does she have a “counterpart”? Another “good friend” of mine fitting the “best man” moniker?

Additional “scare quotes” trailed after her sentence, hanging expectantly in the air.

I replied that I had a great friend that I talk to every single day, who coddled me through my engagement cold feet, helped me design my ring, and even came early to help us set up for the party.

Her name is Lindsay.

The laugh this time was more pointed.

“Don’t you have any male friends?”

I do have male friends, and I love them dearly, but if anyone took an objective look at my life it would be clear to them that my best friends are all women, and since I’m marrying one of them it stands to reason that the next few on the list ought to be the ones at my side on the big day.

Thus, Gina and Lindsay are my “co-best ladies.” CBLs, for short. With the addition of Erika, the girls outnumber the boys in my party three to two.

.

As we get farther into the wedding planning – and as we attend more weddings – I’m starting to appreciate how weddings can be both completely vicarious and intensely personal.

Except, a lot of people don’t leave room for the personal. And, I suppose kowtowing to tradition, or family, or current trends can be deeply personal for a lot of people, but for us none of the three really matches our personality.

Which means I have CBLs. And we’re not having flowers, because we don’t care and they aren’t budgetarily or environmentally responsible. And we’re making our own print collateral – not to save money, but because we both work in communications and we want to have control over the look and feel of our wedding.

Through the process of discovering these personal touches, I am gaining a new appreciation for weddings. In 2006 we attended a barbecue wedding with pies instead of cake. Last month we went to a wedding where the father/daughter dance was the Action News theme song.

Those are personal touches, perfect for their respective couples. Anyone who would turn their noses up at them would be insane.

.

Maybe most men don’t want to spend their lunch breaks looking at dresses – for them it would be less of a personal touch, and more of a personal hell. I can appreciate that. But to me everything from our CBLs to our DIY invites are the defining facets of our modern, feminist wedding. As the feminist half of that equation, for me it’s not just about axing antiquated “Adam’s rib” readings and sexist, sexual bachelor parties.

Feminism isn’t just about the female – it’s about equality in words and actions.

That means that I can and should have an opinion on dresses, and décor, and everything else about my wedding. A wedding marks the joining of our anima and animus, neither of us giving away or sacrificing anything of ourselves in the process. How can that joining be equal if the groom does nothing but say yes and write checks?

And, besides, my CBLs are going to look stunning.

Filed Under: Engagement, feminism, Year 08 Tagged With: erika, gina, lindsay

Previous Post: « Choosing Your Family, and Cheers
Next Post: Various Musical Chairs »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. aim says

    June 11, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    Your wedding is going to be basically the best wedding ever. I’m going to be telling my grandkids about it.

  2. Pamela says

    June 12, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Sounds like you have the perfect attitude. My husband’s best man was a woman. My best person was my sister. We told them they could wear whatever they wanted. We ignored a lot of “traditional” wedding conventions and focused on having fun with our friends. For years people told us it was the best wedding they’d been to.

Trackbacks

  1. Crushing Krisis › Happy Birthday To This says:
    August 26, 2008 at 10:05 am

    […] The amazing thing about the last twelve months is how many successes they encompassed. I played a show at the Tin Angel with my band (two, actually). I got engaged to the love of my life. I completed six months of voice-lessons, emerging with newly revitalized vocals. Lyndzapalooza threw not only a hugely successful music festival, but two modestly awesome off-season events. I finally became the senior member of my team at work. I’m planning the most kick-ass party I’ve ever thrown, which coincidentally happens to be my wedding. […]

  2. Crushing Krisis › Hitching: Groom Team Style, pt. 1 says:
    November 9, 2008 at 4:34 am

    […] unique element of our wedding that I’ve previously touched upon is the composition of our parties – my side consists of three women and two men, and Elise’s […]

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on BlueSky Follow me on Twitter Contact me Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics

Marvel Events Guide

Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics

  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Avengers Omnibus MappingTIME TO VOTE – 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    It's time to vote in the 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll! […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvels Anthology Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Anthology Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Magazine & Anthology omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 My Love Silver Age Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Non-Superhero Silver Age Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Non-Superhero Silver Age omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Alf Marvel License Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel License Omnibus (+ Indiana Jones), Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel's License Omnibus mapping for non-Marvel IP books that don't exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 X-Files FOX Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel 20th Century FOX Omnibus (+ Indiana Jones), Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    20th Century FOX omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Darth Vader Star Wars Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Star Wars Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Star Wars omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvel Imprints Alternate Realities Demon Days Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Imprint & Alternate Reality Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Imprint & Alternate Reality omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Marvel UK Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel UK Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel UK omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Ultimate Marvel Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Ultimate Marvel Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Ultimate Marvel omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist from its debut to the present day - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Fear Itself Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Event Omnibus, Mapped | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Event omnibus mapping for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • New Comics & Collected Editions Releases: DC Comics – April 30 2025
    This week in DC Comics: Ewing does Detective, Grodd's reign continues in Waid's League, All-In Special hits paperback, Power Company recharges, a Silver Lantern omnibus, and more! […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Namor Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Solo Hero Omnibus from N to Z, Mapped – Namor, Scarlet Witch, Thanos & more! | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Solo Heroes omnibus mapping from N to Z for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Hawkeye Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Solo Hero Omnibus from H to M, Mapped – Hawkeye, Hercules, Ms. Marvel, & more! | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Solo Heroes omnibus mapping from H to M for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]
  • Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 2025 Black Panther Omnibus MappingEvery Missing Marvel Solo Hero Omnibus from A to G, Mapped – Ant-Man, Black Panther, Captain Marvel & more! | 13th Annual Tigereyes Most-Wanted Marvel Omnibus Poll
    Marvel Solo Heroes omnibus mapping from A to G for books that don't yet exist - all options on the Tigereyes Most Wanted Marvel Omnibus 13th Annual Secret Ballot […]

Content Copyright ©2000-2023 Krisis Productions

Crushing Krisis participates in affiliate programs including (but not limited to): Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program. If you make a qualifying purchase through an affiliate link I may receive a commission.