Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

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Conan O’Brien, Tina Fey, and The Chuck Norris Rural Policeman Handle

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Okay, this is the last one, I promise.

(Seriously, if this had happened on television I wouldn’t care at all, but it happened in real, physical space and I want to share it with you because it was just ridiculous.)

Photo via my lovely date for the evening, @brimil

A recurring theme of “The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour” was all of the things Conan O’Brien isn’t allowed to do. He joked that not only is he prohibited from being funny on television until September, but he is prohibited from appearing on TV entirely and so are similar likenesses, such as Johnny Neutron and (hilariously) Tilda Swinton.

Conan made a big deal over wanting to do his “Walker Texas Range Lever” bit for the tour even though NBC may hold the rights to that title. So, he instead presented “The Chuck Norris Rural Policeman Handle.” Each pull of the handle produced a riotously out-of-context Norris clip.

After pulling the handle for a few choice clips on his own, he brought out Tina Fey to do the honors. Except, Tina’s clips weren’t so much hilarious as they were disturbing…

The best part is Tina’s face after the third clip at 4:21. Priceless.

Visit the “Legally Prohibited” tour Wikipedia page for the full list of guest appearances. Only the LA and NYC shows manage to trump Tina Fey and Trey Anastasio as special guests (the first night in Radio City Music Hall featured the ridiculous array of Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Paul Rudd, Bill Hader, John Krasinski, and Vampire Weekend).

Considering I originally bought my quartet of tickets to scalp for a profit to Conan-obsessed fanboys, I’d say that my attending the show and witnessing all of these hijinks this would be the highlight of my year if I wasn’t buying a house in seven days. And this is coming from someone who just jumped out of a plane and was almost murdered by pine barren monsters.

Arcati Crisis Update: new tunes, Muse, summer shows

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Gina and I held an epic-lengthed Arcati Crisis rehearsal last night.

Not only was it our first rehearsal after her run acting in Ms. Reardon Drinks a Little (which I helped her costume), but it was our first chance to catch up on various life and house news in person after two completely insane weeks.

After a slow start to the year, we’ve had an awesome few months as Arcati Crisis – three great shows in the last four months. We’re in good practice and good voice, too. So, why rehearse, rather than head out to an open mic?

The awful truth is, we have only learned one new song in the past 12 months – “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” We’ve effectively been a band touring behind an album, our late-2008 Live @ Rehearsal, Vol. 4. We only have two tunes newer than that release that in our repertoire – “Better” and “Holy Grail” – and both were in regular set rotation by this time last year.

It’s scary to think of us as having an “established” repertoire to tour behind for an entire year. I have musical ADHD – I hate playing the same songs all of the time. My solo material bears this out – the only thing that I play more than 50% of the time is my cover of “Like a Virgin!” Also, lack-of-attention-span aside, we need some new cover-tune artillery to shock and awe our regular audiences with.

As a result, last night we started on the biggest-ever group of new tunes since our inception – five of them! Two originals from me, two new covers (partially derived from fan feedback), and the newest one from Gina.

The one I’m most excited about is “Dumbest Thing I Could Do,” which is my acoustic version of a slutty dance song. I wrote it at the piano, influenced half by Lady Gaga and half by Heart. Gina has already lent it an entire additional layer of funk via harmony and Bee Gee’s style low guitar riffs.

I’m also intrigued by our lark into Muse’s “Starlight.” We don’t usually perform contemporary covers (our only one is “Falling Slowly”), but after hearing Gina deliver a incandescent version of this at a recent night of karaoke I knew we had to give it a try.

The original is devoid of harmony, so I spent a few evenings arranging vocals for each section of the song. They were murder to sing along to the CD or with E, but when Gina and I ran through the song I hit most of them in a single try. It was pretty obvious where I had selected some bum notes, and Gina quickly amended them and added an awesome portion of counterpoint.

(BTW, here is a freaking awesome video of Muse playing Starlight live @ Abbey Road Studios.)

The other cover needs more of an Arcati touch before I talk it up, and my second original and Gina’s new one are in their infancy. We’ll push farther into them as the more exciting pair gets locked into place.

I’m excited to stretch out our improved confidence across a handful of new tunes. Hopefully we’ll begin to debut them at some of our summer shows – so far, we’re playing twice each at the awesome Triumph brewery and the delightful 2nd Saturday event in Collingswood:

  • 6/13, 9:30pm – Featured Set @ Triumph Brewing Company Open Mic, Philly
  • 7/10, TBA – 2nd Saturday in Collingswood, NJ
  • 7/28, 8:00pm – Origivation Magazine Music Series @ Triumph Brewing Company, Philly
  • 9/11, TBA – 2nd Saturday in Collingswood, NJ

    • We’re still seeking an August event, plus one or two parties to play, so if you need some Arcati Crisis in your life please holler!

    Daily Demo: Icy Cold

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    Here’s a brand new HD video of “Icy Cold” with beautiful hi-fi multi-track soundboard audio. It comes with a story.

    Okay, story-time.

    Ten years ago (less 24 days) I was a freshman in college, and I wrote a song called “Icy Cold.”

    It was an odd one – very oblique lyrics in one of my more unusual alternate tunings (at the time) made it a challenge to sing and play. I left it off my 2000 demo CD Other Plans and, curiously, also did not consider it for my 2001 studio disc Relief. It remained bound to my apartment, where it factored in to a few of my favorite Trio recordings.

    Around the same time I wrote “Icy Cold” – 86th in a rapidly-expanding list of songs – I decided that it was time for me to start playing shows.

    Being rather ignorant as to what that entailed, I assumed that I would just phone up a local, mostly-acoustic venue where people I liked frequently played and explain that I wrote tons of awesome songs, and then they would invite me to play. (Later, after my initial flush of success, I could upgrade to playing the TLA or the Electric Factory).

    The Tin Angel being the only local mostly-acoustic venue that I knew of at the time, I sussed out their booking information and rang them up.

    That was the extent of my year-2000 booking experience at the Tin Angel. No follow-up. No booking. No flush of success.

    To be fair, I would have been an utter disaster. I know some people so wonderful that their first ever show was at the Tin, but I was not that kind of wonderful in 2000. Sure, I had the awesome songs, but I could just barely sing, and I was playing a guitar that didn’t even especially stay in tune!

    Over the course of the past ten years I’ve done a lot to rectify my singing and guitar-playing issues, and I’ve played in a lot of amazing Philly venues – including the Tin Angel, as part of a showcase with Arcati Crisis. Yet, I’ve never fulfilled that original goal of ten years ago – being featured solo on the bill at the Tin.

    Well, that’s going to happen on Friday at 10:30 p.m., so when it came to choosing the first song to post in 2010 in this glorious new HD audio/video combo format it seemed natural to choose “Icy Cold” – especially given the slights it experienced in 2000 and 2001.

    Plus, it’s really freaking cold out.

    That’s my story.

    PS: I owe the hugest possible shout-out to Tim Jahn for explaining Adobe Premiere Pro compression codecs to me via Twitter at the eleventh hour (literally) to make this beautiful video possible. Tim writes a blog of occasional, thought-provoking bulletins that I have been enjoying for months. You can also follow him on Twitter.

    Apocalyptic Love Song – Arcati Crisis, Live @ Rehearsal

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    It’s a new year!

    Ten years ago at this moment I was a freshman in college with a totally new group of friends at my first adult dress-up party, about to experience my first kiss. And maybe die in the throes of Y2K.

    Tonight I am home alone with my wife, and I shaved off my mustache., so I could give her a unscruffy New Year’s kiss.

    There have only been two constants in my life that ten years. Music. And Gina.

    “Apocalyptic Love Song” is about loving someone to the end of the world and beyond. I think it’s the best song anyone currently living in Philadelphia has written. Possibly the Eastern Seaboard. And I will not rest until Gina wins a Grammy for it. Sometimes I am brought to tears while we’re playing it, moved by the power of Gina’s lyrics and performance.

    Encompassing the two constants in my life, and addressing the unknown the always lies ahead, it seemed fitting to end our concert with it tonight.

    The future makes me laugh, the future makes me cry
    I can see it all in the reflective square of light shining in my eye
    I see ripples. I see waves. I hear cries of despair.
    And all I can think to do is go on breathing all this air
    But I know that for a while the sun will continue to shine
    Just as long as at some point you were standing here by my side

    You can download a revelatory version of “Apocalyptic Love Song” from our most recent Live @ Rehearsal CD.

    You can watch our entire web concert in sequence via our YouTube playlist.