Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

q.o.d.

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I was just idly chatting with Selina after our fraternity meeting, and she told me that she’s “seeing someone.”

::deep breath::

I thought i was going to be crushed or hurt or something when this finally happened (and i think i knew she’d move on to someone else before i would), but i’m not. It just feels like the whole situation with the two of us resolved somehow – whereas before there was something slightly dischordant stretched out between us. Resolve might be the best feeling i’ve ever known; do any of your favourite songs end without one? For those of you who aren’t musically inclined, that usually means the song ends on a chord other than the one you were ‘expecting’, or when it ends you feel the notes moving towards something but they never get there – instead they just hang in the air and trail out. I wonder of things like that have an effect on whether or not people like a song… because i honestly can only think of one song that i love which doesn’t resolve. It’s almost like how we expect a happy end to movies, even though we know real stories don’t always turn out that way. Our ears expect something even though the only thing that would lead us to expect it is the gravity of the notes themselves. Or, the actors to the plot. Or, the people to each other. But, sometimes in life resolve involves drifting away as much as it does coming together.

Or maybe a little of both.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/05/3474273/

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The scars are slowly fading, you know. I hurt myself the night Selina and i broke up, and i had the angry red scar on my leg this whole time, smoldering underneath my clothing as a physical reminder of what i was feeling. Lately i managed to forget about it a little, and just now i looked down to find it no more tangible than a line drawn with an unsharpened pink crayon. I think it’ll just be unbroken skin again a third into May, which will mark two months since we broke up. And four months since we got together. And i’ve almost found my equilibrium again.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3356324/

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Sometimes i think my mother is a little stupid about some things, but she refuses to admit it. But… she is! In the same way i’m still relatively dumb when it comes to finance and relationships, she really has no practical experience in performance or extra-curricular activites. She simply doesn’t get the dynamics or point of my music fraternity. She was the person who initially suggested that i deter Selina from joining because it would interfere with my life. I thought that was the most immature thing my mother ever said and i told her as much. Predictably, concerns about my treatment of Selina in terms of the fraternity were brought up last week and i was able to defend myself without the slightest hesitation because i know i’ve been nothing but fair to her – and everyone else leapt to my defense as well. In my mother’s mind, this is just a club of friends, and i have every right to put up a big unfriendly sign that says “no ex-girlfriends allowed.” Even though we’re all friends, the fraternal aspect gives the group a wholly different dimension – one that my mother has never experienced in any group she’s been in as far as she’s ever made me aware. What i’ll hand to her is that she’s dumb like a fox; while i can’t always take her advice because it would be utterly inappropriate in any given situation, it’s usually the best advice. So … i suppose she’s not so stupid after all – she’s just trying to hard to give me the right answers to questions in the wrong categories.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3346078/

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When my aunt Joyce first heard about me being the overnight and day visit coordinator for the admissions office at Drexel, the first thing she asked was “Have you met any cute girls?” Forget for a moment how incredibly innapropriate it would be for me to hit on cute pre-freshmen, and just notice that the first thing that Joyce asks me about any situation i get myself into is how many cute girls the situation contains. Since i was somewhat incommunicado during the rehearsal period for good woman of setzuan no one in my family ever really heard about or met Selina other than my mother, so they’re all stuck assuming i’m in the same little anti-dating zone that i was in in high school. And, to an extent i still am, but i just think it’s hilarious how they pump me for information constantly to see if i’m seeing anyone, or thinking about seeing anyone, or thinking about anyone. I think one or two of my other aunts might have finally given up and assumed that i’m gay based on my total lack of apparent attraction to the opposite sex (and my utter refusal to attend any sort of go-go bar with my father every year around my birthday), but the wonderful thing about my family in that respect is that they’re very accepting but they never bring things like that up on their own. So, as far as i’m concerned, the gayer the better – that way i don’t need to hear them bitch all the time about my lonesome love life.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3274847/

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I started playing “Hold on Me” and Selina walked into the shop halfway through the first verse. Have you ever played a song written about your ex-girlfriend while you still really liked her in the same room with her after the breakup? Well… you’d think it’d be really fun, but really it was an exercise in subtly changing lyrics to reflect the current situation, and keeping your eyes pressed shut tightly so you don’t have to look at her. After i launched immediately into “Splinter” Selina eventually left the shop, and Gina got me to lay off the mean relationship songs. However, we then played “Under My Skin” again and i performed the “i don’t miss you anymore” extended mix (much to Gina’s confusion and delight). The first time i ever sang the song in this fashion was to Selina when we first started seeing each other, and the “miss you anymore” was my way of telling myself i finally was over Laurel. The demo version is much more conflicted at that point of the song, because it was physically sung to Laurel, who i was over but still very pleased to serenade. The version last night brought me full circle back to sitting in Selina’s dorm room with my guitar, pouring out my heart to her. It was empty for a while, but i hear refills are free.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3200004/