• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

  • DC Guides
    • DC Events
    • DC New 52
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
    • The Sandman Universe
  • Marvel Guides
    • Marvel Events
    • Spider-Man Guide (1963-2018)
    • X-Men Reading Order
  • Indie & Licensed Comics
    • Spawn
    • Star Wars Guide
      • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
      • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
    • Valiant Guides
  • Drag
    • Canada’s Drag Race
    • Drag Race Down Under
    • Drag Race France
    • Drag Race Philippines
    • Dragula
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race
    • RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
  • Archive
  • Contact!

amanda

Hitching: Groom Team Style, pt. 1

November 8, 2008 by krisis

Not only do I have to finish telling the story of how Elise and I got engaged last year, but aside from mentioning our invites a few weeks ago I haven’t really spoken at all about our planning process.

A unique element of our wedding that I’ve previously touched upon is the composition of our parties – my side consists of three women and two men, and Elise’s is four women and her brother.

The mixed-gender makeup has style implications for both sides, since early-on we decided my women would not wear tuxes. That meant twice the bridesmaid dress shopping of a normal wedding, with the added challenge of making sure my ladies looked distinctly groomsly in comparison to Elise’s maids.

This morning Gina and I headed out for the final leg of our wardrobe journey – a trip to look at tuxedos for me. It has taken us many months to get to this point. Our first wardrobe excursion was in January on the morning after our engagement party, which meant we were all a touch hung over.

Hangover or no, I don’t think there was any way I could have been adequately prepared to enter into the mouth of hell that is David’s Bridal.

(For the record, this is not a story about me looking down on people who buy dresses at David’s. It’s about my vast incredulousness at the entire wedding industry and the attitudes that come with it, which – if I keep writing these recaps – you will see play out repeatedly. But, I digress.)

We entered David’s as a quintet – Elise, her sister, and Amanda, and Lindsay and I. Elise’s trio was checked in and sent to romp in the many rows of chiffon and taffeta while Lindsay and I negotiated with the gatekeeper. It went something like this:

LindsayGK: Oh, are you in this wedding as well?

Lindsay: Yes, this is the groom, and I’m in his party.

Gatekeeper: So, you’re a friend of his that’s in the bridal party?

L: No.

GK: Ahh, you’re a friend of the bride’s that she placed in the groom’s party?

LW: No.

(Between the hangover and the dumbfoundedness, here Lindsay was starting to look unpredictably dangerous, like a captured squirrel. I decided to intervene.)

Me: Actually, she’s my co-best-lady.

GK: I see. (Clearly not seeing at all). Well, we’ll just put her under Elise.

The gatekeeper took Lindsay’s name so that her romping could begin, and I moved to follow her into the racks.

GK: Uh, you can wait at the chairs here.

PM: Hmm?

GK: We have chairs. For grooms. You don’t have to go in there.

This was very early in the wedding process, and I did not yet understand the reverse groom-discrimination phenomenon. No wedding-associated vendor is prepared to speak to a groom. All of their forms have the bride listed first. They always want contact information from the bride.

They definitely do not expect the groom to show up to poke around and ask questions, and they certainly don’t expect him to care about dress-shopping.

Having made it past the gatekeeper, Lindsay and I joined the other ladies in searching through rows upon rows of dresses. To me most of them looked more like 90s prom dresses than modern wedding gear. Lindsay and Amanda, both wedding veterans, undertook an education campaign to get me quickly up to speed on fabrics, cuts, and styles.

Laden down with silken loads, the three of us advanced on the dressing area … only to encounter a second gatekeeper.This one looked like a troll doll, and was dressed smartly in a neutral-colored sack that served to minimize her lumpiness. She was exactly the opposite of the sort of style maven you’d want to purchase a wedding dress from.

The trollish woman waited for all of the women to pass and then physically obstructed my path.

Wedding Troll: What are you doing? You can’t come back here.

Me: (Innocently) Hmm?

WT: (Sassily) What are you, a friend?

Me: I’m the groom.

WT: We have some chairs out in front…

Me: (A little testy) I have heard about the chairs. I am not sitting in the chairs. I need to pick out a dress for the women in my party. I am your customer.

(She did not seem convinced, so I embellished, slightly.)

Me: I am paying for all of the dresses

WT: Ahh, well… (clearly waging an internal battle between wanting to get rid of me and wanting to sell stuff) …you see, I can’t let you come any further. It’s, err, it’s not really up to me, you see. Some of the other women, they might be… they might… well, you know, they could be uncomfortable.

Me: How so?

WT: You know. Women. Dressing rooms.

Me: But, I can’t see into the dressing rooms from here.

WT: Coming out of the dressing rooms. They, ahh, won’t want you looking. At them. When they come out of the dressing rooms.

Me: In their dresses?

WT: Yes, exactly.

Me: I see. And, I’m too close?

WT: Mmm hmm.

Me: (Taking two steps back) What about now?

WT: Uhh, well, you can still see them, and…

Me: (Slowly walking backwards and increasing in volume). Now? Now? What about NOW? AM I FAR ENOUGH AWAY NOW?

At this point Elise had noticed my confrontation and fixed me with a pained look, to the effect of Please do not get us kicked out of the first wedding store I’ve brought you to.

The BlueI stood on the very spot where Elise interrupted my escalating confrontation, and did not move from it. As our party members came out in a variety of dresses I made a great show of leaning over from my spot for a closer look, careful not to step closer to the dressing rooms.

This went on for a while, until finally someone came out in a dress that caught our attention. We flagged down the trollish woman and handed her the dress. Did she have it in blue? Elise’s women would be wearing blue.

She disappeared with the dress for a while as our fashion show continued, and after several minutes came huffing up to Elise and I with the dress clutched in one hand.

Elise, in the Elusive StyleWedding Troll: Discontinued.

Elise: Hmm?

WT: This dress is discontinued. We don’t carry it.

Me: Actually, you’re carrying it right now. In your cloven hoo… um, in your hand.

WT: Just this one. That’s the only one we carry.

Elise: What do you mean, exactly?

WT: I can’t order this in your color. You’d just have to find another David’s that has them in the right colors and sizes for your party.

Me: (Muttering) Oh, because that’s probable.

Elise: So, why was it on the rack?

WT: (Puzzled) So people can try it on.

Elise: But, you just have the one bridesmaid dress.

WT: Yes.

Elise: And you can’t get any more.

WT: Exactly.

Elise: …

Peter: Goddamnit. YOU FIND ONE NICE THING IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WALMART…

At this point Elise was snapping her head back and forth looking for swat teams that would emerge to tranquilize me, and I got the message to quickly wrap it up with the wedding troll before I was forcibly ejected from the store.

And that was the end of my association with David’s Bridal.

Filed Under: Engagement, fashion, shopping, Year 09 Tagged With: amanda, gina, lindsay

Found a Catfish Haven

November 17, 2006 by krisis

As much as I can be a dedicated home body, so can Elise, and after almost five years of trying to align the moons and stars of our social inclinations we’ve finally realized that sometimes it’s okay to go out alone.

My recently social outings have been split evenly between the aforementioned best friend Gina (w/boyfriend Wes), and Elise’s best friend Amanda, because it stands to reason that anyone who could tolerate hanging out with Elise 40hrs a week of work plus however many hours of rehearsal will probably be able to tolerate me for the length of a concert or two.

Last night Amanda and I were at the XPN World Café Live venue to check out a free Heartless Bastards show, but the Bastards’ limelight was completely stolen by the fantastic opener Catfish Haven.

I was a little startled when Catfish began to play, because I thought they were just roadies – three unassuming men with long hair and t-shirts who had just been tuning up their instruments. A few bars into their first song my interest was piqued. By song three I was utterly hooked.

I was drawn in by a sound I can only attempt to describe as such: Joe Cocker fronting My Morning Jacket, cranking out occassional raunchy acoustic Franz Ferdinand covers, except Catfish is tuneful and poppy, wearing a badge of Motown soul influence where the aforementioned bands can be too obscure or trite. Not to mention the absolute perfection of Van Morrison pop on “Tell Me” and “”Crazy For Leaving.”

Yeah, they’re eclectic.

Solid drumming from Ryan Farnham was focused by pogoing (sometimes punkish) bass from Miguel Castillo, both underscoring big, crunchy rock chords from singer/guitarist George Hunter.

George wielded a thinline Ibanez the entire time, yet the band’s sound was mostly massive and electric, jangly and propulsive. Animated throughout, the band exchanged self-effacing quips with the audience, making note of songs that were particular good to dance or neck to, as the case might be.

The Chicago-based trio have been fast friends since youth, and were touring behind a self-published EP in 2001 when they sent a demo to Secretly Canadian Records. A week later the label caught a show and the band was signed.

After the set, the super-cool Miguel divulged that they tried a few shows with George on electric guitar, but it never worked. When I quizzed George on how he got such a thick sound from a thinline acoustic he shrugged, “I just use heavy strings, and run it through the twin.” (either meaning this or this)

More to the point, he just plays *hard*, going for every power chord, hard bend, and tremelo with the gusto of a rock god strapped with a Les Paul.

Catfish Haven put out a new full-length – Tell Me – this September. It’s not flashy, and a little rough around the edges, but in all it’s just about as satisfying as their concert – trading in on the manic volume of their loud act for some nuanced backing vocals and horns.

They’re on a three-date run with Heartless Bastards before heading out on a brief tour with the Hold Steady. You can be their MySpace friend, see the video for “Tell Me”, or check them out on Daytrotter, a cool online music mag which featured a great writeup and a quartet of Catfish tunes earlier this year. Of the four, aim for Down By You Fire for Joe Cockerness and Medelin for danciness.

Filed Under: concerts, elise, NaBloPoMo Tagged With: amanda

A Picture Share!

November 5, 2006 by krisis

Amanda accompanies me, physically and vocally, at my monthly appearance at the Sidecar.

Filed Under: NaBloPoMo, phonecam Tagged With: amanda

July 27, 2003 by krisis

some pictures:

Chris, Amanda, Elise, Melon, & Wes.

My poor hamster Peaches, enduring a bass assault.

Peter & Elise.

Elise.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2003/07/105927660518669063/

Filed Under: bthon'03, elise Tagged With: amanda

April 4, 2003 by krisis

My spectacular view from the 35th floor has proven itself to be no solution to today’s pervasive dreariness. A panoramic image of my city opens up just past the faux-mahogany lip of my cubicle, displaying clearly every still, gray eave and chimney from here to the nearly-obsolete Stadium (a distance that was almost infinite to me as a child, now seemingly so simply to fly across).

Honestly, the view left me longing for my lunch break; i’d much rather be inside the fog than above it.

In other news, Elise has confirmed the existence of my rooster after the debut of its new 7-7:30am time slot. Not only did Elise hear it in person today, she kindly offered to strangle it with her bare hands. At least now the crowing actually overlaps with a time that i have to wake up. Meanwhile, corroborating reports have emerged from Meg and Amanda, the former of whom lives over two blocks away.

Lindsay and I conducted a sparkling discussion on the height of cubicles as a status symbol over a health-conscious lunch of salads & Snapple. (Oh, the difference a year makes). In my first nearly coherent attempt to describe our director, i claimed she was “Like Karen from Will & Grace (except not shrill or drunk) if she was surreptitiously being made to listen to Strange Little Girls in her sleep.” Not the most succinct description, but i’ve only been working on it for five days now.

Life isn’t so bad, is it?

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2003/04/200098268/

Filed Under: corporate, day in the life, elise, thoughts Tagged With: amanda, lindsay, neighbors, Tori Amos

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on Twitter Contact me Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics

Marvel Events Guide

Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics

  • Drag Race Belgique Season 1 Episode 00 - Promo SquareDrag Race Belgique Season 1 – Pre-Season “Meet The Queens” Power Ranking
    It's time to meet the queens of a whole new Drag Race franchise - Drag Race Belgique, hosted by alien actress Rita Baga! […]
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15, Episode 6 – “Old Friends Gold” Girl Groups Challenge, Review & Power Ranking
    The drag queens of RuPauls' Drag Race Season 15 take on a golden oldies Girl Group challenge with unlikely musical genres in Old Friends Gold. […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Kickstarter - Maximum Carnage Expansion BoxMarvel United: Multiverse adds Maximum Carnage to the campaign! (Plus, the High Evolutionary!)
    Marvel United Multiverse Maximum Carnage unleashed an unexpected group of villains onto the campaign in the from of a (very) New Sinister Six! Plus, High Evolutionary, and my predictions for the final expansion box(es). […]
  • New Mutants (2019) #7Updated: Guide to New Mutants, Generation X, Academy X, & other Young X-Men
    My Guide to New Mutants now covers every new class of X-Men, from the "3rd Class" of New Mutants through Generation X, Academy X, Generation Hope, & The Age of Krakoa - plus the return of the 1st Class of All-New X-Men! […]
  • Cable Math & Maps: Collected Issue Counting and Future Omnibus Mapping
    it's time for mathing and mapping Cable! How much of Cable has been collected from his 1990 debut onward, including his pre-history? And, how could it all fit into Omnibus? […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Kickstarter - Annihilation BoxMarvel United: Multiverse adds Annihilation (plus, 20 potential Marvel Event expansions and their predicted contents)
    I perfectly predicted this new Marvel United Multiverse expansion box and all its contents, so what do my psychic powers say about the remainder of the campaign? […]
  • Guide to Spider-Man comics from 2018 to present day – now available to the public!
    Peter Parker has had a massive 5 years in comics, from Nick Spencer's Amazing Spider-Man run to Zeb Wells spinning Dark Web and the Summer of Symbiotes. Find every issue from 2018 to present day in this new guide! […]
  • X-Men Vote 2023 - Polls Are Open NowElect your favorite mutant with Marvel’s annual X-Men Vote! #xmenvote
    It's time for the third annual X-Men Vote to determine one new permanent member of the flagship X-Men team. Let's meet the six candidates and discuss the pros and cons of each one. […]
  • Wasp, Janet van Dyne – Definitive Collecting Guide and Reading Order
    The definitive issue-by-issue comic book collecting […]
  • Marvel United Multiverse Secret Invasion Box KickstarterMarvel United: Multiverse adds a Secret Invasion expansion (plus, 20 events that could be expansion boxes!)
    CMON announced a surprising Marvel United Multiverse Secret Invasion expansion, which raises a question: What other events are still to come? I've got 20 suggestions for them. […]
  • New for Patrons: Guide to Wasp, Janet van Dyne
    This Guide to Wasp follows Janet van Dyne through her 60-year Marvel Comics history, from founding Avenger to finally getting own own series! […]
  • my weighted blanket is hungry
    Me getting 8hrs of fitful sleep doesn't seem to be enough to satiate the hunger of my new 10kg beast of a weighted blanket. […]
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 15, Episode 5 – House of Fashion, Review & Power Ranking
    It's Drag Race Fashion Week in this unconventional materials design challenge with a twist: the queens are split into three groups and have to present cohesive runway collections. […]
  • Breaking News: D&D continues support of Open Gaming License (OGL 1.0), releases their core rules SRD under Creative Commons
    Breaking news! Dungeons & Dragons made the shocking announcement that they're keeping OGL v1.0 and releasing SRD 5.1 under Creative Commons! […]

Layout copyright © 2017 · Foodie Pro Theme by Shay Bocks · Built on the Genesis Framework · Powered by WordPress

Links from Crushing Krisis to retailer websites may be in the form of affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link I will receive a minor credit as your referrer. My credit does not affect your purchase price. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to: Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program.