mess

October 7, 2001 by krisis

My room is an utter mess. Lindsay and Erika keep telling me this as if i’m supposed to be surprised. While i appreciate that at their old house every room was a place to chill and at parties they all hosted their own tiny conversations, i really can’t deal with that. I have something like $3000+ in various guitars in here, plus my computer and cd collection, plus the fact that i’m an utter mess. Oh, and, yeah, there’s that thing where i never had friends or family in my bedroom for more than a minute or two ever until senior year of highschool (and that was mostly just Gina). So… i don’t know. L&E were up here the other night so we could use IMDB and they kept talking about how they could never live in a room this messy and how could i live like this and i was like… blah. Lindsay’s room is gorgeous and wonderful and i could never live in it because there is no sign of life. I like my room to be lived in… it proves to me that i’m still here.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/10/6169407/

August 6, 2001 by krisis

There is a certain something about bedroom floors and boomboxes that makes me sleepy.

I am desperately trying to get everything clean in preparation for the apartment switching extravaganza that i’m hurtling towards in a matter of weeks. This includes doing laundry, doing dishes, throwing out food i don’t intend to eat, ordering my cds, and cleaning out my hard drive. I think the latter is more of a metaphorical act; i spend the majority of my time on the computer, so having an orderly hard drive would somehow have an effect on the rest of my life.

Right.

I hardly ever download mp3s of artists and albums i don’t own, but i am occasionally given them by friends to listen to, which is pretty much the same as being handed a mix tape. As a results, i have something like 50 megabytes of random mp3s on my computer – not enough to warrant a housecleaning. However, i am somewhat of a packrat when it comes to tracking down live rare music by Tori Amos and Ani DiFranco, and between the two of them combined it turned out that i had exactly 1.5 gigabytes of digital music. So, yesterday’s project became: back it all up! Not only would that leave me with lots of room to finally mix the best-of disc for 25/24, but it would make all of my hundreds of Ani/Tori songs incredibly portable from one computer to the next, which isn’t such a bad thing. So, i popped in an extra-density cd-r, told my computer to test and then create (because backing up 700megs of Ani is a pretty serious endeavor), and i adjourned to my room so i wouldn’t be tempted to use the computer while it was burning the disc.

Into the boombox went Whatever and Ever Amen, onto the floor went my giant-size lounge-pillow and my sleeping bag, and i was out like a light before the end of “Brick.” The funny thing is, i had just woken up about 6 hours previous, but i still managed to squeeze in a full 12 hours of sleep … not waking up until just a half hour ago so that i could have clean clothes to wear to work.

So, for future reference, the best way to get me unconscious is to put on a cd with intricate guitar or piano for me to follow, hand me a pillow and a blanket, and leave me alone for twenty minutes. Works like a charm, as long as my guitar isn’t handy.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/08/4934270/

July 23, 2001 by krisis

Some days i just feel as though i am slowly suffocating… tangled up in life and with each tiny attempt to get free i’m just getting more and more wrapped up. Tonight doing anything makes me vaguely sick with a kernel of potential violence … my broken guitar string urges me to thrash at the other five with my pick until they all relinquish their hold on the bridge. That was the start. Next came the absolutely desolation of my apartment… no food, nothing to do but use my computer and listen to music, the heat trickling into every pour to account for the sweat coming out. The only way i can describe this feel is trapped… i am all wound up with nowhere to go and this apartment is slowly suffocating me and the only thing i can think to do to keep my thoughts flowing and in order is write, because it’s the only thing that would make sense right now. Part of the problem is the mess… the apartment is a perpetual mess, because no matter how many times i try to clean it there aren’t enough places to put my things. Looking around just makes me feel more tangled, like every little spare piece of crap is exerting its own pull on me like all the tiny people and Gulliver. However, mostly two things are bothering me. The first is that i need a new g-string for my guitar, and my guitar strings are nowhere to be found. This is especially annoying because i was writing a new song that was rather intelligent sounding and i’d like to continue. The other is tonight… this empty messy apartment and me and all the thoughts i’ve got bottled up in my head. Empty, messy, and bottled up are all things i’d like to be different. But, anyway, i just had to type something to release some of all this pent up furious energy, and i apologize if it sounds like some awful teenage diary rant, but i just want tomorrow to get here. Now.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4695222/

July 17, 2001 by krisis

I was totally frantic and unfocused yesterday because i was running on 2 hours of sleep and a bag of corn chips that i ate early Sunday morning. Everything in my life keeps falling apart. First of all, i’m falling apart … i went back to the dentist yesterday to try to get my filling situation fixed and he only made it worse. Naive to the ungodly amounts of pain i was about to return myself to i absently-mindedly popped a piece of Trident into my mouth at Tower Records and wound up having to hide in the easy-chair in the periodicals section because i was in too much pain to coherently browse through the records. And, anyhow, i would never pay more than $16 for an album.

Everything is falling apart pieces at a time… Matt took a turn at locking himself out of the apartment today, so i loaned him my keys… except for i couldn’t remember where i put the spares after i got locked out last tuesday, so he had to keep my keys for the entire day. The apartment is a warzone … my physical possessions seem to multiply while i’m away to make more bric-a-brac crap for me to throw on the floor when i get back. Packing for my new apartment at the end of August should be entertaining… out of mine and into the (currently unconfirmed) new place in 12hours flat. Righhht.

I know this is banal, but i have things coming at me from too many directions right now to be able to do anything more than just report on them. And the counselor meeting just let out. Away i go!

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4587987/

May 26, 2001 by krisis

For those of you keeping track of these things, my apartment currently houses over 300 cds, 50 blank cds that ought not to be blank, seven randomly distributed neckties, 6 different version of Tori Amos’s “Waitress,” five guitars in various detuned states, four unread Philadelphia Weeklys, three laundry baskets whose contents need washing or folding, two pieces of equipment that explicity belong to Drexel University, and absolutely nothing edible other than a single jumbo-sized jar of peanut butter. Yum.

https://www.crushingkrisis.com/2001/05/3804100/