Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

resolve

the future is here; where is my jetpack?

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I am writing this post from 2011, which feels like it ought to be the future, even if it is really just the present.

I remember being a kid and charting out the major milestones of my life. Not things that were going to happen, like when I’d get married, but certain thresholds. When I’d graduate high school, when I’d be half as old as my parents. And, from there I remember thinking, I’ll be 30 in 2011.

And we’re here!

I don’t make resolutions – at least, not for the new year. Why should 1/1 be any different from 4/5 or 6/6 or any other day of the year?

I don’t make any promises to myself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have goals. I have a hugely complex spreadsheet of goals that I grade each year, like my own personal annual report, but I also have a very simple, overarching trio of goals I set forth here seven years ago today: know what I’m spending, what I’m eating, and how I’m using my time.

I feel like that got away from me a little in 2010 with the annual report-grading, house-buying, bass-playing, comic-collecting, gig-headlining, soundtrack-writing, novel-authoring, learner’s permit-getting(!), and other related madness.

I’m excited for 2011 because all of those things all already in place. The house is bought. The bands are rocking. The graphic novel bookcase is established. My recording gear isn’t in the same physical space as my suit jackets and my home office.

I am writing this post from the future, and it is filled with opportunity.

Guest-starring with Filmstar

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Some things I learned about myself on Saturday, while performing my first gig as substitute-bassist with E’s band Filmstar.

  1. I am not actually a bass player.
  2. I am way hotter playing bass than I am playing guitar.
  3. No matter how much I beat myself up about #1, I can’t even pick out most of my flubs on rewatch unless I was making a nasty face while flubbing.
  4. I’m not actually conflicted about Filmstar.

That last one is the big news and the big surprise. When I last wrote last Friday I was wistful, thinking ahead to my imminent replacement in the band.

Before more blather, please witness our first public performance of my current favorite Filmstar tune, “Fall From the Sky.”


(I know, I’m using my first finger for everything. One step at a time, folks.)

Shortly after that performance I neatly resolved my conflicting emotions over a pint of Abita Purple Haze, a rare beer I will stop my life to drink.

Basically, I realized that – though I love both Filmstar’s songs and sound – what I really love is playing in a full, happy, committed band, with a chance to be significant without always doing the heaviest lifting in the band.

I’m incredibly happy to continue to do that with Filmstar as a bassist or in some other capacity, and I let the band know that in no uncertain terms. I do love their songs and their sound, and if I can push that further I’m all for it!

At the same time, I have to find a way to make my own music into something where I don’t have to be the heaviest lifter all of the time. Am I ever going to cede lead vocals? No – dueting with Gina is the closest I’ll come. But having a drummer, or other instrumentalists? Yes, that would take the pressure off of me – the constant beating myself up and assuming I’m not yet ready for primetime.

That’s what I love about Filmstar – that on Saturday I was not sure I was ready for primetime, but they were sure for me, and it turned out I was.

On the way home I asked E if I could be vain for a few minutes, and I put on the recordings of Gina and I playing Arcati Crisis tunes with Chaz on drums last fall. I’m still in love with them – in love with a recording of me almost a year later! That nearly never happens.

That’s what I want. I’ve got it with Filmstar for the moment, and that’s awesome. But this year I’m going to find it for myself as well.

2010, pass or fail

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In perusing the new year’s resolutions of my bloggy and tweety friends, I’ve noticed a lot of hate on 2009.

I suppose a lot of terrible things happened to a lot of people last year, which makes me almost embarrassed to admit it was pretty awesome for me. I don’t have to explain why, because you’re reading my blog, AKA Peter’s Awesomeness Tracker (e.g., wedding, Paris, music festival, skydiving, #bdc, etc).

I also accomplished a lot of personal goals. Not resolutions, mind you – intangible, mutable agreements with yourself that you might choose to honor on any given day. No, real goals – like, “Keep a balanced budget,” “Record X songs,” and “Convert home office to recording studio.” And each goal came with an associated amount of points, altogether adding up to 100 – which meant I could grade myself on my year.

(I know, right? Only I would take delight in making new year’s resolutions into an academic endeavor with a grade.)

I didn’t get a 100% on 2009, or even a C. It was more of a pass/fail thing, and I certainly didn’t fail – in grade or in the obscene amount of important things I accomplished.

The goals were good for something else, too – they let me know what wasn’t important. If I cannot bring myself to tag the last 800 posts from CK’s first three months even with my grade hanging on the line, it’s just not gonna happen.

I kept that in mind as I designed my 2010 goals. I focused less on esoteric personal requirements and more on things I could accomplish and view a product of.

It’s hardly a secret that many of my goals are related to my music – over a third! Last year one of my big goals was to get out regularly to open mics, which I did! For 2010 one of the biggest goals, with the most associated points, is playing shows where I am featured on the bill.

What a coincidence, then, that I am playing my first solo gig at the Tin Angel this Friday.

201001tinangel

I have some more to say about that (CLEARLY!!!!!), but it will keep until the week begins.

And you are…?

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There is a chance you are arriving here for the first time, launched from Twitter or NaBloPoMo.

If that’s the case, hi. I have an extensive series of bios linked off in that other direction. Oh, and for my first NaBloPoMo I spent the entire month re-telling my personal origin story, so be sure to read that too.

That said, I know we are all couch potatoes on the great lazyweb, so you aren’t likely to hustle around clicking those things. As such, allow me to summarize the current state of me:

I live in Philadelphia and am relatively newly wed to my partner of nearly eight years.

We both work in marketing – me in communications development, she in design. We are also both musicians – she the lead singer of Filmstar, me as a solo singer-songwriter as well as and a member of Arcati Crisis.

We’re also relatively voracious consumers of music, especially within Philadelphia, which boasts an astounding and thoroughly-talented local scene.

In addition to my major three loves (wife, comm, music), it turns out I’m also pretty passionate about non-profit development. I probably wouldn’t have told you that before this year, because it is the first time it has been so patently obvious. I helped to throw a music festival and a 24-hour streaming benefit concert, both of which raised funds for respective non-profits, and both of which nearly intellectually slayed me in the process.

Inclusive of prior iterations of the festival and my wedding I spent every free moment planning an event from March of 2007 to this past month.

Right now I’m trying to be pretty passionate about me. It’s hard – for someone who spends a lot of time working in the public eye and promoting others I have an awfully hard time shining the spotlight on myself. It something I have to improve on to avoid doing a disservice to my songs.

Oh, hey, and to my blog, which has run the longest out of any native Philly weblog – I’m currently blogging into my tenth year of inane, self-centered rambling.

We’ll see how that goes.

Escaping Mediocrity

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I am not a major reader of mommy-blogs.

Sure, I have my certain mommy favorites, as well as several long-time reads who happened to be or become moms, but I don’t typically seek out new moms to read. They’re just in a different part of their lives than I am, at the moment.

All that said, Maverick Mom is a blog worth reading. It’s not just about motherhood. Or, maybe as of a month or two ago it was. Right now it’s about motherhood (and the rest of life) as an adventure that is helping blogger and entrepreneur Sarah Robinson “escape mediocrity.”

Escaping mediocrity. Does it mean anything to you? If not, you should read her gripping post about nearly losing her son to a riptide. At the end she has the wherewithal (and good humor) to compare the riptide to the tug of mediocrity.

Sarah’s post poses a challenging question: are we accepting the average because it’s easy, eventually to discover that we’re lost with no sign of what’s good, right, or successful?

I know the first impulse is to say, “Nope!” Our lives are awesome, right? We totally love them.

Okay, sure. But, loving life doesn’t exclude the chance that you’re settling for something. Can you honestly say you don’t have anything in your life that is disappointingly average – not as challenging or fulfilling as it could be? We all know I aim to kick ass at all times, but even I can cop to pieces of my life that aren’t living up to their potential. I wage a constant war on some of them, but in all honesty I let others slip by. Easy can be nice. Status quo is even keel.

If your answer about anything is “maybe” or “yes” or “omg, definitely,” then you should start reading Sarah’s blog, perhaps beginning with the escape plan she’s hatched to push past the mediocre elements of our lives.

Sarah, you are anything but mediocre.