I do not like it when Matt brings houseguests with him. Matt is my roommate, but i’ll talk more about that in a minute. Back to houseguests. Granted, i have kissed approximately 6% of all houseguests who i’ve spent significant time with, but the other 94% smoke, drink, play my bass without asking, take my bread out of the freezer but do not put it back, eat my instant soup, watch horrible Woody Allen films, and dirty all of my dishes. In honor of that last bit, i now have my official Blog-A-Thon Spoon, because i really don’t intend to wash any of my other dishes at any point today and all of my blogathon food can be eaten with a spoon.
Last year Matt worked in a computer science lab with Joe, who lives directly above us now and is the boyfriend of Gina, who wrote “All That’s True.” So, that’s who Matt is. I didn’t really intend to live with Matt; I don’t think he’s the sort of person i would have ever lived with had it not come right down to the wire, but when things come down to the wire in life you occasionally make exceptions. It was July or August, and i was starting to panic about getting an apartment, and i logged into Shafted one day to see Matt asking if anyone had an apartment yet and we wound up looking around together and finding this one. The entire first week of Crushing Krisis is pretty much about me procrastinating about packing, almost missing putting down my deposit on the apartment because Matt was asleep, getting sick, packing while sick, and having to spend a week at home because i almost missed putting down the deposit on my apartment. But, anyhow, now we’re exactly a year beyond that frenzy of checking classifieds for apartments, and although Matt isn’t my favourite person in the world he’s certainly not the worst roommate in it either. So, anyway, one of these frenzied nights i wrote “Will It Ever Come,” and that was a backwards seugeway.
SGapt
Some days i just feel as though i am slowly suffocating… tangled up in life and with each tiny attempt to get free i’m just getting more and more wrapped up. Tonight doing anything makes me vaguely sick with a kernel of potential violence … my broken guitar string urges me to thrash at the other five with my pick until they all relinquish their hold on the bridge. That was the start. Next came the absolutely desolation of my apartment… no food, nothing to do but use my computer and listen to music, the heat trickling into every pour to account for the sweat coming out. The only way i can describe this feel is trapped… i am all wound up with nowhere to go and this apartment is slowly suffocating me and the only thing i can think to do to keep my thoughts flowing and in order is write, because it’s the only thing that would make sense right now. Part of the problem is the mess… the apartment is a perpetual mess, because no matter how many times i try to clean it there aren’t enough places to put my things. Looking around just makes me feel more tangled, like every little spare piece of crap is exerting its own pull on me like all the tiny people and Gulliver. However, mostly two things are bothering me. The first is that i need a new g-string for my guitar, and my guitar strings are nowhere to be found. This is especially annoying because i was writing a new song that was rather intelligent sounding and i’d like to continue. The other is tonight… this empty messy apartment and me and all the thoughts i’ve got bottled up in my head. Empty, messy, and bottled up are all things i’d like to be different. But, anyway, i just had to type something to release some of all this pent up furious energy, and i apologize if it sounds like some awful teenage diary rant, but i just want tomorrow to get here. Now.
I was totally frantic and unfocused yesterday because i was running on 2 hours of sleep and a bag of corn chips that i ate early Sunday morning. Everything in my life keeps falling apart. First of all, i’m falling apart … i went back to the dentist yesterday to try to get my filling situation fixed and he only made it worse. Naive to the ungodly amounts of pain i was about to return myself to i absently-mindedly popped a piece of Trident into my mouth at Tower Records and wound up having to hide in the easy-chair in the periodicals section because i was in too much pain to coherently browse through the records. And, anyhow, i would never pay more than $16 for an album.
Everything is falling apart pieces at a time… Matt took a turn at locking himself out of the apartment today, so i loaned him my keys… except for i couldn’t remember where i put the spares after i got locked out last tuesday, so he had to keep my keys for the entire day. The apartment is a warzone … my physical possessions seem to multiply while i’m away to make more bric-a-brac crap for me to throw on the floor when i get back. Packing for my new apartment at the end of August should be entertaining… out of mine and into the (currently unconfirmed) new place in 12hours flat. Righhht.
I know this is banal, but i have things coming at me from too many directions right now to be able to do anything more than just report on them. And the counselor meeting just let out. Away i go!
I think the mouse is back… oh dear… and i don’t even have a girlfriend who i can sleep over with. Speaking of which, i saw Selina today and we were very civil to each other. She was wearing the same gold sweatery thing she always wears when i see her, but that’s okay, cause i’m always wearing the same shirt on my webcam. She’s dating the other ambiguously straight chapter rep from my fraternity now, and i don’t know what i find more ironic: that she’s dated us both, or that we’re both ambiguously straight. But, anyhow, i just wanted to update you on the distinct lack of angst in my life (and the possible return of something rodent-y). Can you tell that i’m almost done being a teenager?
Today i got to leave work an hour and a half early because i went in super-early on Monday and worked all day, which got me back into the apartment at 4pm. As per daily routine, i put my keys down on the stereo, hung up my shirt in the bedroom, washed my hands and face, and went back to the bedroom to get changed. During this bit it somehow occurred to me that i should be singing “Happiness is a Warm Gun” at the tops of my lungs, and i was down to my underwear before i noticed movement behind me so i turned to find Matt attempting to sleep on the top bunk. He snarled a little and i apologized, but, honestly, was i really supposed to look around the room at 4:05 in the afternoon to check if anyone was still in bed? Seems a little ridiculous to me. But, anyway, because i’m actually quite nice i closed the door and left him be, but now i’ve only got underwear on. Oops.