Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

Year 12

30 for 30 Project, 1990: “Vogue” – Madonna

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Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache. It’s everywhere that you go.

Last night I was idly surfing the web as I waited for today’s video to upload. I noticed a New York Times article titled, “In Suburb, Battle Goes Public on Bullying of Gay Students.”

You try everything you can to escape the pain of life that you know.

The article was about Anoka, the largest school district in Minnesota, which has a pervasive bullying problem that focuses on students that are perceived to be gay or lesbian, or come from LGBT homes.

(Apropos of nothing (or everything) the district is partially situated in Representative Bachmann’s Congressional district.)

Several students and their families have brought a lawsuit against the district, in part charging that, “district staff members, when they witnessed or heard reports of antigay harassment, tended to ‘ignore, minimize, dismiss, or in some instances, to blame the victim for the other students’ abusive behavior.”

When all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today…

The Anoka School District has seen eight suicides in the past two years. At least two of the students were gay, and possibly half of them had been known subjects of LGBT-focused bullying.

I know a place where you can get away: it’s called a dance floor, and here’s what it’s for.

Now the parents, families, and friends of these children will have their young image suspended forever in time, ageless and smiling, a pose that can never be unstruck.

Come on, vogue.

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All you need is your own imagination – so use it that’s what it’s for.

I don’t think it’s a spoiler to confess that I have plans for Madonna’s catalog for beyond this 30 for 30 Project, which is why I’ve been studiously avoiding her hits thus far. However, when it came to 1990 my list kept coming back to “Vogue.”

I tried to choose another song for 1990. I really did. Fans on Twitter suggested “Nothing Compares 2 U.” I spent a day trying to cover it, but I simply hate the song. I’m unable to let go of my eight-year-old’s obsession with the fact that it was ensconced at number one for five weeks while the more deserving “Vogue” waited patiently for its spot at the top.

Go inside for your finest inspiration. Your dreams will open the door.

I decided that if I was going to let Madonna into this project, I couldn’t try for perfection. My cover had to be something else entirely. In the spirit of the Material Girl, I turned it into a deliberately silly game of dress-up, donning some of my still-surviving (and surprisingly fitting) glam clothes from high school and doing a bit of dancing.

If I had read the article a day or two ago you might be watching a very different version of “Vogue” in this post. Something nearer to “Nothing Compares” – a dirge-like ballad that merges sorrow and joy.

Maybe I’ll still record it that way. For now, you get this ridiculousness. I hope you enjoy it.


(Watch me cover “Vogue” on YouTube. For more info on my 30 for 30 Project, visit my intro post or view the 30for30 tag for all of the related posts.)

It makes no difference if you’re black or white, if you’re a boy or a girl.

Take a long look at what I’m wearing in the video. That’s what I wore to high school, daily.

One of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit is a 14-year-old boy named Kyle Rooker, who is perceived by bullies as being gay because he wears glittering accessories and belts out Lady Gaga tunes in his school’s halls. He’s been subjected to humiliating bullying that the school has done little to stop. Beyond that, teachers are under strict orders not to teach or speak on gay rights, history, or acceptance – thanks to a large Christian influence on the district’s policies.

If the music’s pumping, it will give you new life.

In my born again Christian grade school I was a tiny stick-figure of a boy who hated playing sports and carried around a cassette tape case full of Madonna. It wasn’t the reason I was mercilessly teased and bullied, but I’m sure it wasn’t helping.

In middle school all the other boys said I walked with a switch and teased me because of how I cross my legs. It was the first time I ever heard the word “gay” slung as an insult. I changed the way I walked, but kept crossing my legs.

You’re a superstar.

In high school I wore skin-tight vinyl and body glitter, and painted my lips pale white – all to attend calculus class. Once in high school an older kid shoved me up against a locker, trying to intimidate me. I told him to go fuck himself.

Yes, that’s what you are.

In college I started to wear tight, low-rise jeans and stylish button-up shirts. Once at a party I mentioned I had worked as a summer camp counselor, and a guy said, “I thought people like you weren’t be allowed to work with little boys.” Ross offered to kill him for me, but I declined.

You know it.

Three years ago a neighbor defaced and vandalized the front of our house because I – the “queer” – got too fresh with him.

Men sometimes harass or threaten me from passing cars if I walk a certain way. I still won’t play the open mics at some bars because I know they won’t like it when I cover Madonna.

Come on, vogue.

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Beauty’s where you find it, not just where you bump and grind it.

It has always been a fact of my life that being who I am and saying what I feel gets me teased and bullied. That’s fine. I’m strong, and I don’t have to contend with the stigma of half a nation being set against my love life like some of my friends do, so hit me with your best shot.

I don’t know what I would do in Kyle’s place. Stop being me? Ditch the sparkles and singing and try to be more of a boy?

I don’t know. I hope he’s singing “Born This Way” in his bullies’ faces at the top of his lungs.

Soul is in the musical – that’s what I feel so beautiful. Magical. Life’s a ball.

In June of 1990 my mother took me to see Madonna’s Blonde Ambition tour as a reward for doing well in third grade. She was my favorite pop star.

So get out on the dancefloor.

We sat next to a pair of men who, in retrospect, were clearly a gay couple. I didn’t care. I thought it was cool that two older boys liked Madonna as much as I did. They thought it was cool an eight-year-old boy wanted to see Madonna and his mom decided to let him. Madonna closed the show with “Vogue.” All four of us were happy.

Come on, vogue.

It gets worse and then it gets better.

Let your body move to the music.

Crushing On: You Know What I Hate?

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A few weeks ago I was cruising my Facebook feed and I noticed a link to a blog post entitled, “#32: People who confuse karaoke night with American Idol auditions.”

Being that person, naturally I clicked through.

Unfortunately, the post I discovered was not on a blog titled, “Stuff That Makes People Awesome.” Nay. It was called “You Know What I Hate?”

I bristled, awaiting the salvo against my karaoke perfectionism. You know what happened instead? I laughed. I laughed because the post was right-on, and it wasn’t only about me wanting to sing one song well at karaoke – it was about people who consider themselves performers due to their karaoke prowess.

Also, it was really fucking funny.

I kept reading. The author doesn’t just hate annoying people (like #15: People who are good at running) – her biggest category is actually moments of intense expectancy violation; times where she isn’t sure why something is happening or how she should react.

Her writing swerves from confrontational second person to babbling interior monologue, all delivered as a stream-of-consciousness with a delightful, seemingly-compulsive frankness. Even when the thing she hates is something I endorse (#19: Expensive first dates, for example), her argument is still so salient and caustic that I can’t help but agree a little bit while giggling. I found myself heading back to Thing #1 so I could read her entire screed in one go.

Last weekend I lucked upon the opportunity to meet the reclusive blogger – and it took some digging to get her to admit her authorship. Once I had dragged a confirmation out of her and confessed my major crush, she asked to me deliver a dramatic reading to her small crowd of friends of a draft in-progress with the title “#34: Not knowing what to do when you wake up in someone else’s bed.”

In my shameless attempt to get you to read You Know What I Hate?, please allow me to present a recording of my reading of said post.(NSFW content, but language is clean)

30 for 30 Project, 1984: “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – Wham!

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Apparently, 1984 is the point when the 80s were completely gay.

Note that from me that label is never meant as slander. Here it’s about the celebration of all things glamorous and fey being totally mainstream, and it’s the only explanation I have for Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” hitting number one in the same year as “Karma Chameleon” from Culture Club.

Hell, the number one album spot spent over half the year occupied by Thriller and Purple Rain, neither especially a symbol of restraint and masculinity. In 1984 it was totally cool to be a over-wrought, over-styled, over-the-top male vocalist.


(Watch me cover “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” on YouTube. For more info on my 30 for 30 Project, visit my intro post.)

1984 is also a year that I have some vague musical recollections from, and I’ll tell you that in my house we are all about gay 1984. We had all four the LPs mentioned above, and songs from each are encoded on my DNA. I even had a somersaulting routine set to the prior year’s “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya.” [Read more…] about 30 for 30 Project, 1984: “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – Wham!

#FollowFriday Interview: @brimil, Artist & Connector

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Britt amidst her Philly-themed paintings in 2010. © Steve Boyle

Today my suggested #FollowFriday is a woman who – with no exaggeration – has altered the course of my life.

Her name: Britt Miller, or @brimil.

I could list all of positive ways my life has changed with Britt’s influence and collaboration, but this one quote from her sums up our shared philosophy:

No one beamed down and made me an artist, or “successful,” or well-connected overnight. This wasn’t a gift, it took work. Make moves, do work, tell people.

Why follow Britt? She engages. She’s funny. She’s a painter whose work has appeared on everything from sneakers to television talk shows. She’s an athlete who has powered through a half-Iron Man. She’s a communications professional and a business student about to embark on a year of international travel.

Most importantly, Britt is a Connector. She’s always happy to make a random new acquaintance, because she understands the true value of a robust network lies not in the present, but in the future. Those seemingly meaningless connections have paid off for her and her followers again and again.

Enough from me – let’s hear from Britt, in her own words.

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@krisis: There is a fan-favorite CK post about my perspective on meeting you for the first time. What’s your side of the story?

Britt and I pose in 2009, a few hours post-skydive, as shot by @Mikeyil

@brimil: I met you while I was working at IBX in Philadelphia. I was very passionate about social media and kick-starting the business use of social media to connect with customers. You came to the first social media meeting, and the rest is history :)

@k: Yes, a history of jumping out of planes together and you being my personal digital life coach and partner in all things FAME. Can you explain this “FAME” thing we have? I can never quite articulate it when people ask me.

@b: Ah, FAME is very difficult to express in words. FAME is the act and feeling of constantly achieving your wildest dreams (they start small at first, then grow; FAME is never over), and having friends, family, and eventually strangers support you in your endeavors. It’s being recognized and praised by society over something that you poured your heart into. FAME.

@k: How do you use primarily Twitter?

@b: I use Twitter to promote my art, to stay in touch with and connect with new friends, to follow people/things I’m interested in – accounts that post about art, travel, social media, Philadelphia, etc.

@k: In the past few years your original art has gone from a regular hobby to an actual business. What was the decision point where you said, “this is something I’m serious about”?

@b: The switch from hobby to business certainly came when I made my website, held my first First Friday show, and sold my first piece to a stranger. Those three events happened over a period of time, but after all three happened I think I realized that I had something there, and with a ton of hard work, it’s gradually taken off since then. [Read more…] about #FollowFriday Interview: @brimil, Artist & Connector

Gina’s Bachelorette Adventure, Pt. 4

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The fourth post in this series finds your author all of three days before Gina’s Bachelorette Party AKA All-Day Adventure and I am, let’s say, FREAKING OUT.

Gina modeling a vast collection of our stenciled icons in action on Gina's back late in the day in her bachelorette adventure (while Mikki and I spray more stencils int he background). As you can imagine, we had to spray these quickly and in highly public spaces.

Allow me to set the scene for you. It is eight or nine at night. I am on my side patio, which I like to pretend is private but really is quite in full view of anyone passing directly in front of our house.

I am wearing only my underwear. My blindingly white naked torso vibrates against the dusk like a bike reflector. I am dual-wielding two cans of spray paint against a defenseless bag of planting soil, which is wearing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt bears several iterations of the Starfleet symbol, some in black spray paint, others apparently colored in with a marker.

I swear, if photographs of this scene existed, I would totally share one.

Why this utter madness? Let’s travel back in time two days. As the guy on the ground in Philly, I was on the receiving end of the various bachelorette party supplies selected by Kelly (in Belgium) and Mikki (in Seattle). Both women are so ridiculously kitschy and crafty that it defies explanation. I received many things. A box of 30 pink t-shirts. A set of Erlenmeyer flasks and graduated cylinders. A package of vaguely phallic sidewalk chalk.

What I did not receive was spray paint for branding our t-shirts.

The t-shirt iconography had become central to our gamification concept for the party, with Gina choosing a team for every challenge. If the team defeated the challenge, they would be branded with a special stenciled badge. Think of it as “Foursquare: LIVE!”

Despite working all day in the midst of a team full of craft maniacs, I am not in the least bit crafty. I’m not even good at speculating about methods of craft. I am good at desktop publishing and subsequently printing things on high end paper. That’s about the extent of my crafting abilities. I am not great at creating things with my hands. I still have problems changing guitar strings.

Thus, the spray paint issue was very … concerning. Three days to the party seemed like the time we should be testing the spray paint, to make sure it would work. Kelly and Mikki had mentioned a few potential brands in their emails, but I couldn’t find any online that I could get shipped in three days, because spray paint can only be shipped via ground.  I started researching other spray paint, discovering that most of it needed to be sealed with heat before it set. Every time I found something that sounded like it might work (including, hilariously, “Hunters [sic] Specialties Permanent Camo”) I ordered it for the fastest shipping possible, all the while getting increasingly frustrated that I was researching spray paint at all instead of writing Gina’s instruction book.

The very highly recommended spray paint choice of Kelly and Mikki was "Montana Gold Acrylic Spray Paint," which comes in every possible color, including metallics.

Remember how I recently shared a leadership assessment that said that I have a strong future vision while focusing on data and clearing obstacles? Well, it also told me that under stress I become myopic and focus only on information overload and slaying things.

It’s not a big leap to the scene that opened this post. I had five cans of assorted spray paint and two markers lined up and had dressed a 40lb sack of dirt in one of my old t-shirts. At a loss for an icon I could quickly stencil out of a sheet of cardboard, I went back to basics: the starfleet insignia. Not wanting to get spray paint on my clothes (even clothes I’ve set aside specifically in a bin entitled, “for painting”), I elected to strip down to a pair of blue bikini briefs to conduct this exercise.

Welcome to my brain. It is a scary place.

The next morning Kelly and Mikki talked me down from my panic after I sent them not the sanest or nicest email I have ever written. They helped me figure out which local stores carried the paint they both recommended, and Kelly assured me we could visit one together when she arrived stateside. Mel coaxed me away from my desk at lunch and convinced me I would not have a panic attack from entering a craft store. I bought the recommended spray paint.

Problem: solved!

Now we had all of the necessary elements for Gina’s party, save for three: Kelly, Mikki, and the instruction book that would lay out the rules of the game and all of the various challenges.

Oh. Just that.

Tune in next time for Kelly and my madcap adventures the day before the party, how an off-hand mention of a “side-quest” turned into the most hilarious part of the event, and samples from the now legendary instruction book.