Madonna

Dolly told me I’m doing okay

January 22, 2023 by krisis

Last night, Dolly Parton reminded me that things come to me easily when I work the hardest. Just like Paul McCartney.

Also, our unconscious brain is the original A.I. engine.

Except, I guess it’s a paradox to call the human brain artificial intelligence? Also, come to think of it, that first sentence was kind of paradoxical too.

Maybe I should back up a step. Maybe several steps.

I am mystified by people who run. Especially those who enjoy running or who can run quickly. I’ve always hated running and it seems to hate me right back. The process of my body lurching forward into a sprint has never once satisfied me. Every second I am running is a second I’d rather not be running.

Over the past year I’ve done a fair amount of running. More than 150 kilometers, at least – which certainly more-than-doubles my lifetime mileage.

Do you know what happens when you run a lot, even when you hate every single second of doing it? Eventually, it gets easier. I stopped getting as out of breath as I did at the start of the year. I stopped getting side stitches after a few months. After a while, I started getting marginally faster on every 5k route through my neighborhood.

Let me tell you: there is no kind of reward for running that is better than the running being over more quickly.

I look a break from running over the long, soggy New Zealand winter and spring. When I started running again in the past month, I feared I was right back to where I started. I was going to hate being slow and breathless and full of cramps. That was true the first few weeks. Then, something surprising happened. Without really trying, one day I checked my stopwatch at the end of my route and realized I had shattered my personal record by 30 seconds. Nothing about the run had seemed remarkable. I hadn’t even hated it any more than I hate any other run.

Things come to you easily when you work the hardest.

That’s also true for mental exertion. [Read more…] about Dolly told me I’m doing okay

Music Monday: “Break My Soul (The Queens Remix)” – Beyoncé, featuring Madonna’s “Vogue”

August 15, 2022 by krisis

Beyoncé went meta with her “Queens Remix” of lead single “Break My Soul” by interpolating Madonna’s “Vogue” into her instance classic House song, and I cannot stop devouring and dissecting it.

Somehow, Beyoncé just improved my favorite pop song of all time.

I’ve been spinning Beyoncé’s new record Renaissance for a few weeks now. If there’s one quick way to my music-loving heart, it’s to produce an album full of durable songs that’s dancefloor ready from front to back. While I’m not an official BeyHive member, but Beyoncé is on my list of artists of whom I keep a complete discography – so, I’ve had (and have heard) all of her songs.

My complete collection doesn’t usually extend to remixes, but in this case I made an exception. That’s because this remix of “Break My Soul” interpolates Madonna’s “Vogue” and ads a whole set of new lyrics from Beyoncé riffing on Madonna’s classic film star rap in the original song.

It’s well-established on this blog that “Vogue” is my personal gold standard of pop singles. When Madonna released it 32 years ago it struck me like a lightning bolt, as much for it message of finding acceptance on the dancefloor as for its House beat.

“Vogue” was Madonna’s first dabble in House music, thanks to co-writer and producer Shep Pettibone and his samples from The Salsoul Orchestra’s post-disco classic “Ooh I Love It (Love Break Groove).” Voguing itself was a NYC ballroom culture dance style that hadn’t broken through far into the mainstream at the time. It’s unsurprising Madonna would hear a house beat and think of the dance, but it was pure serendipity that she wound up making the word and the dance synonymous with House music across the world.

(This was memorably documented on the first episode of Season 2 of Pose, “Acting Up,” which gives a fictionalized glimpse at how the NYC ballroom scene initially reacted to Madonna’s track.)

As I’ve grown and learned more about house music, voguing, and ballroom, I realize that even though Madonna was using “Vogue” to shine a spotlight on ballroom culture, she was also appropriating it for her own use. It was the moment that marked her ascension to global dominance. She used that platform to preach acceptance and to raise awareness for HIV/AIDs, and she employed many dancers and choreographers along the way, but it’s not as though of all her success trickled down the people who were innovating Voguing in the ballroom scene. [Read more…] about Music Monday: “Break My Soul (The Queens Remix)” – Beyoncé, featuring Madonna’s “Vogue”

RuPaul’s Drag Race Power Rankings, S09E06 – “Snatch Game”

April 29, 2017 by krisis

Every mysterious new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race comes with one hotly anticipated standard episode: Snatch Game!

Based on the 60s TV gameshow Match Game, RuPaul introduced his version of the game in Season 2 and it’s been back every season since (save for All Stars 1, which substituted a similar celebrity impersonator take on Laugh In).

Snatch Game has two simple rules – transform into a celebrity, and make them funny. It’s a make-or break live improv challenge that tends to elevate certain queens from the rest of the pack for the remainder of the season and create quotes that fans will call back to for years.

Last night’s episode delivered another callback to past seasons – a redux of Season 8’s “Night of a Thousand Madonnas” runway theme, which served up four different kimono looks based on the “Nothing Really Matters” video and Drowned World Tour.

With 11 queens in the race already forewarned to avoid the kimono could we avoid duplicates entirely? I don’t know, but I hope this runway becomes a fixture of every season just like Snatch Game. And girls, you betta watch out, because there is no one that knows their Madonna better than your author – except for maybe Michelle Visage … and we’ve both been served with cease and desists by Madge.

The combination of Snatch and Madonna was last seen in 2000, with Miss M lending “Lucky Star” to the soundtrack of her then-husband Guy Ritchie’s film. In the 2017 edition, it catapulted a new queen to the top of the rank after last week, plus shuffled a pair of queens at the bottom.

Who’s that girl? Let’s find out!

Song of the Day: “It Don’t Hurt” by Sheryl Crow

March 27, 2017 by krisis

Today I woke up late, skipped my breakfast and run to barely make it to the gym with EV in tow, returned home to read to her and practiced our French, and managed to serve us both a fresh lunch while planning out meals for the week.

I’m exhausted.

I don’t want to be writing a blog post. I want to be laying in the middle of the floor and falling asleep while watching Drag Race.

Yet, here I am. That’s because, while my frequent mantra of achievement may be “WWMD?“, when it comes to the words that motivate me to make it through my day it’s not Madonna I turn to.

It’s Sheryl Crow.

Those words are from “It Don’t Hurt,” a rather marginal, Dylanesque single from Crow’s third LP, The Globe Sessions. It’s a song about fooling yourself into feeling something.

The electric man looks good today
Maybe not, well I’m trying hard
Trying hard to feel that way
The electric man’s a good place to start

Stick with me for a minute here. This is about more than fucking the electric man, but it’s absolutely about arousal.

Sometimes nothing feels good. You don’t have to suffer from clinical depression to feel that way. Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe you’re heartbroken. Maybe it’s just one of those days when your brain feels completely drained of all intent and motivation. A lying the middle of the floor sort of day. A playing idle games to pass the time sort of day.

No one can be Madonna – or, to use a more modern example, Beyoncé – every minute of every day. Especially because we don’t have massive empires to take care of things like our meals, our laundry, and our taxes.

On those days when I can’t get up the interest in anything, I think about Sheryl Crow and those lyrics.

“Electrician” – Stephanus Riosetiawan, 2006. Some rights reserved.

The electric man was not looking particularly good that day. He might not have ever looked good. Not to her, anyway. Maybe even if he did look good he didn’t look good to her because he’s the exact opposite of her type – too thin and wiry if she likes a muscular guy, or too short and stout if she likes her men tall and long-limbed.

It doesn’t matter. She is going to convince herself the electrician looks good. She is going to to subvert the flow of the chemicals in her body, little hits of dopamine, and instruct her brain to get interested in the electric man as he squats low to repair a broken outlet.

She’ll do it because you have to start somewhere, sometime. You have to put your stake in the ground at some point, and no one patch of sand is better than the next. If the electric man is in front of you, you go with the electric man. Maybe if you can feel aroused looking at him you can feel aroused about something you really care about.

I use the electric man litmus test on myself when I am feeling hopelessly listless. Can I get excited about something utterly mundane? Can I throw myself into organizing our DVDs or building an awesome race track with EV? Can I find a little passion in my body for something inane, since I can’t seem to summon it for something important.

The answer isn’t always yes. That’s fine. We’re in command of our bodies, but we’re not always in total control of those chemicals in our brains. If we can’t get excited about the electric man, maybe we’re missing something – a bite to eat, some more sleep, or even intervention from a professional.

But if you can get aroused over that electric man then, damnit, you know you can find your way back to your passion.

Was the thing I was most looking forward to today writing a blog post about a Sheryl Crow song I don’t even really like all that much? No. Yet I’ve been meaning to write a post about that specific verse for at least three years now. Now that I have, my listless brain is awake and alive and I’ve managed achieve something.

And that’s why the electric man is a good place to start.

35-for-35: 1991 – “Vibeology” by Paula Abdul

November 10, 2016 by krisis

[Patreon-Nov16-Post-Bug][/Patreon-Nov16-Post-Bug]Oh, yes, we are going there. I have another Paula Adbul song on this list of all-time favorites from the same year Nirvana released Nevermind. Come ahead and fight me.

Spellbound is a much stronger LP than Forever Your Girl. It signaled this clearly on each of its first two singles – “Rush, Rush,” a ballad with Abdul’s finest recorded performance (crazy, since it’s reportedly an early scratch vocal) and the unpolished and new age-y “Promise of a New Day.” The third single was the marginal ballad “Blowing Kisses In the Wind.”

That meant that the core of this album had yet to be heard by the general listening public. It included a sexy, sultry, witty set of songs that paired well with Prince’s 1991 effort Diamonds and Pearls. Songs like “Spellbound” or “U” would have made terrific singles that could compete on the radio. (“U” was even written by Prince! How do you pass that up as a single?!)

So, of course, the fourth single was “Vibeology.”

This song… I really have no words. I love it so much. How can I possibly express my feelings to you other than through dance?

“Vibeology” sort of takes the position of, “What if Paula’s duet with MC Skat Kat was the best thing on that first record?” And, well, “Cold Hearted” aside … maybe it was? While Spellbound was pretty evenly split between ballads and more sultry numbers, paula-abdul-1991-spellbound-album-cover “Vibeology” alone stood in the center as the one batshit crazy dance-capade full of horns and also Paula Abdul screaming “horny horns!” to introduce said horns.

If you listen to it next to the Prince-penned “U” it seems to be imitating the New Jack Swing sound with dancehall flourishes. It’s just so damn manic it’s hard to take it as anything other than a novelty song. I mean, all the different voices, the lack of a discernible verse, the croaked slam poetry section, the “Go Paula!” chants, the horny horns.

Yet, there is something I unabashedly love about this song. It’s basically built from the same pieces as “Vogue” – check out the bounding low bassline and the clanging piano chords. If you stripped away some of the silliness here and moved the “you got the vibeology” rap further into the song, it would actually feel a lot like “Vogue.”

Only, you know, with horny horns.

Honestly, I think this song single-handedly killed Paula Abdul’s career – maybe specifically her low-rent “Express Yourself” video, sexy frumpy circus-with-feathers aesthetic, and subsequent pitchy MTV Music Video Awards performance. When she came back with an even sultrier follow-up in Head Over Heels it seemed like a desperate grab for attention in a post-pop, rock-oriented world – but, that’s only because it was never set up with the right singles from Spellbound.

Here’s that so bad it’s bad MTV VMA performance: [Read more…] about 35-for-35: 1991 – “Vibeology” by Paula Abdul